Twenty-two minutes of sitcom time never allowed us to hear the Holiday Armadillo's explanation of the origins of Hanukkah. Here's an encapsulated version for us, your Goyim friends.
Twenty-two centuries ago, the Greco-Syrian King Antiochus Epipanes implemented a jihad that barred the Jews from practicing their religious customs -- and an attempt at ethnic cleansing. Judah Maccabee and his four siblings formed a band of brothers that fought back.
After three years of fighting the Maccabees defeated the Greco-Roman persecutors, and reclaimed the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. To their dismay, the Jewish troops discovered that the enemy defiled the temple. Although they sought to purify the temple for eight days, the Macabees calculated that the oil would last only one day. Undeterred, the Macabees lit the menorah and discovered to their amazement that the small amount of oil lasted for eight days. A Hanukkah miracle.
Chag Urim Sameach!
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