Time to turn in your HOF ballot

The Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) makes its final plea for 2009. We strongly encourage voting members of the Baseball Writers Association of America (BWWAA) to elect former Seattle Mariner Edgar Martinez to the Baseball Hall of Fame (HOF).

We don't know what odds Vegas or Atlantic City place on Edgar's selection. There's undoubtedly a cabal of sportswriters who are loathe to select the first HOF designated hitter. We can only hope that progressive-minded BWWAA members will prevail.

Once more, here are our choices... if the DDGP had a voice in the HOF selection process:

• Roberto Alomar;
• Bert Blyleven;
• Andre Dawson;
• Barry Larkin;
• Edgar Martinez;
• Don Mattingly;
• Fred McGriff;
• Tim Raines;
• Lee Smith;
• Jack Morris.

Here's to hoping that the HOF Class of 2010 includes Edgar. The guy had too much class to ever spit in an umpire's face.

The world will know all on January 6.

Shilling for a good cause

It's New Year's Eve, and you're half heartedly watching Insight Bowl. Unstable to remain riveted to the gridiron battle between the University of Minnesota and Iowa State University, you think about your 2009 tax returns. And you fret about your lack of charitable contributions.

Again, we shill for tax-deductible contributions for local animal welfare organizations. Differentiate between:

• Good shilling: "1652 Pine Tree shilling" produced by American colonists as currency;
• Good Schilling: "Bloody sock" hero of Game 6 0f the 2004 American League Championship Series pitcher Curt Schilling;
• Bad Schilling: Senate aspirant Republican Curt Schilling.

Consider helping the good folks at:

• Seattle King County Humane Society: http://www.seattlehumane.org
• Progressive Animal Welfare Society (PAWS): http://www.paws.org
• Seattle Animal Shelter: http://www.seattle.gov/animalshelter/Default.asp
• Pasado's Safe Haven: http://www.pasadosafehaven.org/donate.html
• Humane Society of Snohomish County: http://www.pets911.com/organizations/humanesocietysnohomishcounty
• Humane Society of Tacoma and Pierce County: http://www.thehumanesociety.org;
• Citizens for Off Leash Areas (COLA): http://www.coladog.org

Quick: Make your gift before the kickoff of the Chick-fil-A Bowl contest between the University of Tennessee and Virginia Tech. This is the last plea Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) makes this year. Promise.

Why would you let your dog run unleashed on Genesee?

It was a little after noon today. A dozen dogs were in the entering and exiting process at the Genesee Dog Park.

Imagine our amazement when we saw a dog -- a puppy, actually -- scampering without a leash along the park perimeter on South Genesee Street.

As Jay Leno said to Hugh Grant during the famous 1995 Tonight Show interview after the star of Four Weddings and a Funeral was arrested on solicitation charges: "What the hell were you thinking?"

In the chaos of the comings and goings of the off-leash park, the untethered puppy could have -- and fortunately did not -- run into the path of a car traveling along South Genesee Street. Anybody familiar with the area knows that drivers have lead-foot tendencies when driving on Genesee. If the producers of the Tru TV program Speeders hooked up with the Seattle Police Department and ticketed the offenders, the Citizens for Off Leash Areas (COLA) would have revenues for a lifetime of poo bags. Does this sound like the place to let your canine go off-leash commando?

No dog owner wants to see any puppy splattered on the pavement on Genesee. The city of Seattle has a mandatory leash law, Seattle Municipal Code 18.12.080(B)(12) (Animals running at large prohibited):

Any person who takes a dog into an off-leash area must have physical control of the dog by means of an adequate leash when entering and leaving the off-leash area and must maintain voice control over the dog at all times while in the off-leash area.

As Paulie Walnuts would say, "Capiche?"

Setter Claus came to town... and left on Greyhound

This month's poll has closed, and our readers have communicated their generosity toward their dogs. Eighty-three percent of our respondents reported that they planned to buy holiday presents -- Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa -- for their pooches. Seventeen percent of our readers questioned whether the recession was indeed "over"... but that answer didn't preclude them from gifting their canines.

Many dog denizens of Genesee Park received presents -- squeaky toys, collars, G1 smart phones -- that would render orphans envious. Not all orphanages enjoyed the generosity of Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. In the biopic, Crawford's adopted daughter Christina hauls in an impressive haul of birthday gifts from movie stars and studio heads. Crawford reportedly instructs the wide-eyed child to keep her favorite present amongst the loot; the remaining gifts would go to a local orphanage.

For those of you who declined to bestow presents to your dogs: Is Mommie Dearest a more generous parent than you?

If you forgot to give your dog a holiday present or didn't bother and are now shamed by your dog-owning peers, don't forsake all hope. The pet stores -- like all businesses -- are clearing out their holiday merchandise. The sale bin is full of plush reindeer, squeaky Santas and collars with Christmas bells. Maybe you can convince CJ the Cocker that she's receiving a Kwanzaa gift.

Happy Kwanzaa!

Happy Kwanzaa from your friends at the Dog Denizens of the Genesee Park (DDGP)!

In 1966 college professor and political activist Ron Karenga (nee Ronald McKinley Everett) created Kwanzaa an "alternative to the existing holiday and give Blacks an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history, rather than simply imitate the practice of the dominant society." Kwanzaa is a "communitarian African philosophy" that celebrates "seven principles of blackness" from December 26 to January 1:

• Umoja (unity);
• Kujichagulia (self determination);
• Ujima (collective work and responsibility);
• Ujamaa (cooperative economics);
• Nia (purpose);
• Kuumba (creativity);
• Imani (faith).

Like all good holidays, Kwanzaa climaxes with eating and gift giving. Does this mean that Kwanzaa celebrants can purchase their holiday presents during the Boxing Day and after-Christmas sales?

Seems that we should have remembered the Kwanzaa history from an episode of A Different World. Do you ever wonder whatever happened to Jasmine Guy, Kadeem Hardison, and Sinbad? Well, maybe not Sinbad... he offers his comedic stylings at the Emerald Queen Casino (EQC).

Happy Boxing Day! And give till you bleed

Have you noticed December 26 identified as "Boxing Day"(Canada, United Kingdom)... and wondered what it meant? Didn't it strike you as odd that peace-loving people north of the States devoted a holiday to pugilism? Explain this to us, Avril Lavinge, Bobby Orr and Michael J. Fox.

A legal holiday in the United Kingdom, Canada, Germany Australia, New Zeland and Greenland, Boxing Day derives its etiology from the tradition of giving seasonal gifts to those less wealthier than yourself (a group growing increasingly small for some of us), trade and service workers (Ralph the doorman at the Jefferson's deluxe apartment in the sky). Boxing Day's celebration also included charitable giving.

So, before you add to your consumer debt by buying what you really wanted for Christmas or Hanukkah, consider aiding animal welfare organizations with your charitable, tax-deductible gifts. Consider this: King County has stopped taking in stray pets at its animal shelters. Blame the government's budget deficit or the risk of flooding in South King County, but the fact remains that local animal welfare groups will be swamped with the strays... and no additional funds to assist them. These organizations need our dollars more than Target or Macy's:

• Seattle King County Humane Society: http://www.seattlehumane.org
• Progressive Animal Welfare Society (PAWS): http://www.paws.org
• Seattle Animal Shelter: http://www.seattle.gov/animalshelter/Default.asp
• Pasado's Safe Haven: http://www.pasadosafehaven.org/donate.html
• Humane Society of Snohomish County: http://www.pets911.com/organizations/humanesocietysnohomishcounty
• Humane Society of Tacoma and Pierce County: http://www.thehumanesociety.org

And for those of us who use the city's dog parks, consider supporting another 501(c)(3) beneficiary, Citizens for Off Leash Areas (COLA): http://www.coladog.org

Links to these organizations are provided for your convenience. Even a skinflint like George Jefferson would give three or four sawbucks to help a boxer puppy.

The most wonderful time of the year (and it isn't Opening Day)

Merry Christmas from your friends at the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP)!

We hope you are enjoying your holiday whether you celebrating the birth of the savior, taking in a Christmas-Day release movie, or chowing down on General Tso and egg foo yung (takeout's not wrong).

"Milton Bradley makes the best games in the world"

Speaking of the Mariners' new outfielder, the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) pays homage to the Milton-Bradley games of our childhood. In no particular order of importance:

• Mystery Date;
• Operation ('remove wranched ankle");
• The Game of Life;
• Twister;
• Battleship;
• Stratego;
• Chutes and Ladders;
• Candy Land;
• Hangman;
• Stay Alive ("I'm the sole survivor!");
• Password (the self-described "famous word association" game);
• Break the Bank;
• Domination;
• Family Feud;
• The Hollywood Squares.

Consider titles that hint at: prior Mariner management (former general manager Bill Bavasi's game of Break the Bank); dysfunctional 2008 clubhouse (Family Feud); Felix Hernandez and Randy Johnson (Domination) and beloved 1995 team (Stay Alive). And let he feel ignored, there's Twister... in honor of our new outfielder, Milton Bradley.

Reasons for optimism in 2010

A public option for national dog health insurance? Sound Transit reversing its anti-canine bias.. and permitting dogs to ride light rail? People cleaning up after their defecating dogs at the Genesee off-leash area? Not really.

Recent acquisitions by the Seattle Mariners General Manager Jack Zduriencik have given some reasons for optimism for the 2010 Major League Baseball (MLB) season. The organization signed third baseman Chone Figgins to a four-year, $36 million contract. Then, the ball club traded for 2008 Cy Young winner Cliff Lee.

To use a Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) analogy, Figgins (.298, 42 stolen bases, 101 walks in 2009) resembles a whippet: sleek, fast, and flexible. Figgins played second base, third base and the outfield last year. Lee (14-13, 3.22 ERA, 181 strikeouts with two teams) is like a pointer with precision accuracy.

Then, in one of the most intriguing moves, the team then traded an overpaid, malcontented slug of a pitcher (the barely missed Carlos Silva) for the volatile, harmony-challenged outfielder Milton Bradley (.257, 12 home runs, 40 RBIs). The volatile outfielder makes Terrell Owens and Jeff Kent look like "Mr. Congeniality". In 10 years Bradley has played with seven different MLB teams. We anticipate Mariners manager Don Wakamatsu losing his zen cool with Bradley before the All-Star game. Wakamatsu may throttle Bradley by September. The DDGP wouldn't be at all surprised if Bradley was omitted from the play-off roster in October.

Happy birthday, Mom!

Enjoy your day!

The beagle extends his well wishes. Your birthday kiss is coming; he may even brush his teeth for the occasion. Mmmmm... meat-flavored toothpaste.

Aren't two-dimensional cakes better than their caloric, sugar-laden counterparts?

If you don't vote for Edgar for the Baseball HOF, this dog will eat your iPhone

Our friends -- voting members of the Baseball Writers Association of America (BBWAA) -- have less than two weeks to return their ballots to the Baseball Hall of Fame (HOF). As ballots postmarked by December 31, 2009 will determine the HOF's Class of 2010, the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) will continue to press the case to select former Seattle Mariner Edgar Martinez.

We at the DDGP have argued Edgar's case by presenting the facts and figures that support our hero's enshrinement in Cooperstown Now, we're taking a page from the National Lampoon (c. 1973): teeth-baring intimidation.

You couldn't stop at the Dog Snuggie...

It wasn't enough that you carried me in a purse when I was a puppy.

Or dressed me as a hot dog and paraded me in public at the Genesee Dog Park on Dogoween.

Yet, even worse, dressed me in a Snuggie and walked down South Lucille Street -- in plain view of the other dogs in the neighborhood. You'd die of embarrassment if you knew what the Rottweiler was saying about you in "pee mail."

It's nice that you voted in that inane poll, and that you intended to give me a holiday gift. But instead of spending $18 -- plus postage and handling -- on a six-pack of pigs ears or Chicago White Sox jersey ("South side all the way, baby!"), you bought me a "reindeer costume."

Like Jay Leno said to Hugh Grant after the actor's famous solicitation-related arrest: What the hell were you thinking?

A word to the wise... keep your Burberry Pilgrim Bag out of doggie reach.

Happy Hanukkah!

Twenty-two minutes of sitcom time never allowed us to hear the Holiday Armadillo's explanation of the origins of Hanukkah. Here's an encapsulated version for us, your Goyim friends.

Twenty-two centuries ago, the Greco-Syrian King Antiochus Epipanes implemented a jihad that barred the Jews from practicing their religious customs -- and an attempt at ethnic cleansing. Judah Maccabee and his four siblings formed a band of brothers that fought back.

After three years of fighting the Maccabees defeated the Greco-Roman persecutors, and reclaimed the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. To their dismay, the Jewish troops discovered that the enemy defiled the temple. Although they sought to purify the temple for eight days, the Macabees calculated that the oil would last only one day. Undeterred, the Macabees lit the menorah and discovered to their amazement that the small amount of oil lasted for eight days. A Hanukkah miracle.

Chag Urim Sameach!

Since you didn't ask... DDGP's 10 choices for the Baseball HOF

As the Baseball Writers Association of America (BBWAA) voters mull the résumés of the candidates for the Hall of Fame’s (HOF) Class of 2010, the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) has selected the 10 nominees we consider Cooperstown worthy. No, the DDGP doesn’t have a vote… but neither do most of the mouthpieces on sports-talk radio.

• Roberto Alomar
• Bert Blyleven
• Andre Dawson
• Barry Larkin
• Edgar Martinez
• Don Mattingly
• Fred McGriff
• Jack Morris
• Tim "Rock" Raines
• Lee Arthur Smith

The DDGP has made its case for Seattle Mariners All-Star Edgar Martinez. Roberto Alomar (2,724 hits, .300, .984 fielding percentage) and Barry Larkin (.295, eight Silver Slugger awards, 1995 Most Valuable Player) were, respectively, among the standout second basemen and shortstops of the 1990s. Tim “Rock” Raines’ statistics (2,605 hits, .294, 808 stolen bases) surprised us.

Bert Blyleven (287-250 record, 3.31 ERA, 3,701 Ks), Andre Dawson (2,774 hits, 438 HR, 1,591 RBI), and Lee Smith (478 saves, 3.03 ERA, three-time league Rolaids Relief Man of the Year) are overdue. Fred McGriff (2,490 hits,493 HR, .509 slugging percentage) and Jack Morris (254-186, 2,478 Ks, ratio of 5.8 Ks in nine innings) rank as the “best of the rest.”

Don Mattingly (2,153 hits, .307, 1985 MVP, nine Gold Gloves in 14 lumbago-afflicted seasons) won the coin toss over Harold Baines (2,866 hits, 384 HR, .465 slugging percentage in 22 seasons). The Internet perpetuates the theory -- one that Mattingly vehemently denies -- that Donnie Baseball injured his back while engaged in “clubhouse horseplay” with Yankee teammate Bob Shirley in 1987. The account was in question, but the chronic injury was real. One year later, Shirley was back on the line with Laverne at Shotz Brewery.

We considered Mark McGwire, the steroid allegations notwithstanding. Major League Baseball began testing all players for steroids in the 2004 season, three years after McGwire retired. Counter the career homers (583) and slugging percentage (.588) against 1,167 hits and .263 in average I6 seasons. Putting it in a GGDP context, if McGwire were a dog denizen he'd be the large unruly canine that plays too rough with the other hounds. The park "parents" would glare holes through him before his owner tethered him for five minutes, released him for an hour, and finally loaded him in the Tahoe SUV. Mattingly is more akin to the Weimaraner that plays hard, gets injured in the frolic, and makes an unplanned trip to Animal Critical Care and Emergency Services (ACCES) in Lake City.

If ours were a real ballot, only two or three of our 10 selections would crack the 75 percent votes needed for HOF election. We hope that Edgar Martinez is one of them.

O'Doul the Collie 2, NOAA and Heat Miser 0

It's December 7.

Today's high temperature never climbed past 33 degrees.

Today's low temperature is expected to dip to 18 degrees.

Snow Miser is giving Heat Miser an old-fashioned beat down.

Only an absence of precipitation staved off shades of December 2008.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) predicted an El Niño winter for 2009-2010.

O'Doul the Collie's hair shedding suggests otherwise.

The proof is in the taste of the pudding, and the tapioca tastes like Aqua Velva Ice Blue.

Do your part: dig it, dig it...

Dieters' meals and responsible personal spending aren't only things taking holidays this month. Some owners are taking a break from their responsibilities as park users.

The cold weather and muddy field are no excuses for owners not cleaning up when their dogs take a deuce in Genesee Park. Park upkeep is a year-round activity.

Don't care if you don't want to touch the pooper scoopers at the park. The facility provides plastic bags for your convenience.

Don't care if you're chatting to your realtor about buying the fixer-upper in Beverly Park that you can "flip" for a hefty profit given the buyer's market. It takes less than a minute to clean up.

Don't care if you can't multi-task... watching your toddler and cleaning up after your Brittany spaniel. Hello... this is a dog park.

Don't care if you tweaked your back golfing 18 holes at Mount Si yesterday -- and bending is painful. Bet if you dropped the keys to your Saab or BlackBerry Storm, you'd bend at the waist without a second thought to pick them up.

Your dog poops; you scoop. It's that simple.

Don't pick up, and you could find your and Rex's image on a FaceBook page.

Fairness Doctrine and gender equality

The Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) doesn't limit the reaches of the Fairness Doctrine to requiring that broadcast licensees provide "equal time" for political screed. Having taken shots at inexpensive -- and at least one obsolete -- men's colognes and aftershaves, it seems only fair that the DDGP draws comparison to smelly dogs and women's inexpensive perfumes and fragrances.

This week's dry spell notwithstanding, our northwest winter has seen enough raindrops to make a karaoke singer belt out a Burt Bacharach/Hal David ditty. (Don't say that O'Doul the Collie didn't warn you.) The dogs frequenting Genesee Park emerge from an hour's of play muddy and malodorous. Yet, we aren't deterred from coming back next day, next week because we dog owners recognize worse smells:

• Your dog's breath after he attacked the cat's litter box.
• Alpo breach.
• Prince Matchabelli's Wind Song. Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds. Charlie (kinda free, kinda wow) by Revlon.

Leaving on the light rail to Sodo (gonna be right be his side)

The faithful readers of Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) have spoken, and Sound Transit should take notice. Eighty-three percent of those surveyed voted that the public transit authority should reverse its policy and permit dogs to ride its buses, trains and light rail.

Sixteen percent of respondents questioned the existence of urban mass transit in the Jet City.

Presently, Sound Transit bars fare-paying dogs from riding its vehicles. If Barkley wants to ride light rail, he'd better be donning a service animal's vest... or in a crate. Otherwise , it's "no dogs allowed (or birds)."

Consider that a vocal minority of Seattle residents and policymakers want us to ditch our vehicles -- and rely solely on public transit or car-sharing programs. (Ironically, these same politicos who approve plans that reduce parking spaces at affordable-housing projects are the same individuals who drive their SUVs through downtown and the Rainier Valley. Whatta coinky-dink!) These Bizarro World Robert Moseses don't seem to grasp that until public transit accommodates our travel destinations -- beyond downtown, Safeco and Qwest fields, International District and a few restaurants in Columbia City -- that we will continue to drive. Barring one's dogs from riding Sound Transit doesn't make one any less inclined to post the Jetta on Craig's List.

Want Sound Transit to revisit its anti-canine policy? Contact them at:

http://www.soundtransit.org/About-Us/Contact-Us.xml

Of course, there are times when you may not want to ride light rail with your dog. Or alone.