Monthly rainfall affirms collie weather prediction: Run and hide your heads

Whom do you believe now: the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association (NOAA)... or Rainier Valley's own weather prognosticator, O'Doul the Collie?

NOAA predicted an El Niño (drier and warmer) winter for 2009-2010. The amount of hair O'Doul continues to shed says otherwise. The collie's owner Tony reports that the collie continues to shed his summer coat and the hair loss has not let up in late November. Meanwhile, rainfall in the greater Seattle area measured 9 inches this month -- a variance of 3.1 inches from the average 5.9 inches of precipitation in November. On Thanksgiving alone, 1.34 inches of rain poured down in Seattle.

Tony estimates that O'Doul has shed enough hair to fill three-fourths of a recycling bin. By comparison, Tony combed out enough hair to fill an entire recycling bin last month last year. The Seattle area experienced record snowfall.

So much for drier. Notice that the weather is getting colder.

Better dig out your snow shovel. Just in case.

Put Gar-ed where he belongs: in the Hall of Fame

Of the 15 rookies appearing on the Baseball Hall of Fame (HOF) ballot, no candidate will receive greater scrutiny than former Seattle Mariner Edgar Martinez. A thumbs-up from 75 percent of the ballots cast by Writers Association of America (BBWAA) writers means enshrinement in Cooperstown, and the Mariners organization is pulling out all stops to make the case for Edgar.

Leaving no stone unturned, the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) -- an unlikely source of baseball blogging -- will leap in the fray When all is said and done, we at the DDGP can say that we've done our small part in advocating Edgar's rightful place in Cooperstown.

Some will tune out our message. Hard-headed fundamentalists can't get past the fact that Edgar spent much of his career as a designated hitter (DH). Get over yourselves and your 20th century values. The polar icecap is melting, cars run on electricity and the Big City Slider Station cooks five mini-burgers in five minutes.

Major League Baseball (MLB) threw down the gauntlet in 1973 when the American League implemented the full-time designated hitter. BBWAA scribes shouldn't penalize Edgar because the Mariners organization determined that he would best serve the ball club at DH. HOFers Dave Winfield, Paul Molitor and Eddie Murray (never cared much of his movies) spent portions of their careers at DH. The old-school prejudice against DHs resembles one of two decades ago when voters contemplated the candidacies of relief pitchers like Rollie Fingers ("the guy doesn't pitch nine innings"). Try and stop Mariano Rivera and Trevor Hoffman from entering the HOF ranks -- lest you want a 98-mph baseball whizzing past your left earlobe.

Others devalue Edgar's career statistics (7, 213 at bats, 2,247 hits, 309 home runs), which they allege don't much the totals posted by Cal Ripken (11,511 at bats), George Brett (3.154 hits), or Willie Mays (660 HRs). But consider this: With one or two thousand less ABs, Edgar collected more career HRs than HOFs Robin Yount (251), Brooks Robinson (268), or Ryne Sandberg (282). Edgar's 2,247 career hits outnumber those of HOFers Johnny Bench (2,048), Willie McCovey (2,211), and Duke Snider (2,216).

You can't dismiss that Edgar wielded a wicked bat. Consider that his career average (.312), slugging percentage (.515) and on-base percentage (.418) blow away those of HOFs Ernie Banks (.274, .500, .330), (Reggie Jackson (.262, .490, .356), and Carl Yastrzemski (.285, .462, .379).

Forget the most inane argument that Edgar never played in the World Series. Neither did HOFs Ernie Banks, Rod Carew, or Gaylord Perry. Meanwhile, reviled former Mariners third baseman Scott Spiezio has two World Series rings. What's your point, caller?

Finally, there are the intangibles: Edgar is a solid citizen and helluva of a great guy. You never heard his name associated with steroid use, barroom brawls or Madonna. If Edgar were a canine, he'd be a Labrador retriever: smart, affable and loyal. He'd be welcome any time at the Genesse off-leash area, and the best-behaved dog at the park.

Ken Griffey Jr. is a given for Cooperstown (1997 Most Valuable Player (MVP), 1992 All Star Game MVP, 10-time Gold Glove and seven-time Silver Slugger winner, 630 home runs). Ichiro Suzuki is a lock for the HOF (2001 Rookie of the Year and MVP, 2007 All-Star Game MVP, 2,030 hits in nine seasons, nine-straight seasons of 200 hits, nine-time Gold Glove winner). Edgar belongs in the HOF with his former battery mates.

As Archie Bunker would say, "Case closed, meathead."

Compare Edgar's lifetime stats to those in the HOF:

http://www.baseball-reference.com/awards/hof_batting.shtml

Check out Edgar's future home:

http://community.baseballhall.org/Page.aspx?pid=329

Happy Thanksgiving!

The average American consumes 4,500 calories (229 grams of fat) on Thanksgiving. All that turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, candied yams, gravy, green-bean casserole and pumpkin pie make up a 45-percent fat content. And if you need two or three bourbon and waters to self medicate before the relatives arrive add another 400 or so calories.

Translation in Valerie Bertinelli-eese: "Hello, Jenny..."

Before you lapse into a well-deserved tryptophan coma, remember to catch the Purina National Dog Show on KING-5 at noon today following the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. For those of who tuned into the parade to see if the Woody Woodpecker balloon deflates on national television, why not invest two more hours in front of the tube?

And after the dog show, take your dog for a walk... or better yet, a muddy romp at the Genesee off-leash dog park in Lovely Rainier Valley. Do you really want to waste the better part of your afternoon watching the Dallas Cowboys mop up the turf with the Oakland Raiders? For the same entertainment value, you can tune into a marathon of Lockup: San Quentin on MSNBC.

Happy birthday, Lola!

Happy fifth birthday to Lola the chocolate cockapoo!

Lola's human father (I've met her canine father, an affable apricot miniature poodle named Elmo and her mother, a gorgeous Black Cocker spaniel named Gracie) bemoaned the closure of downtown's Three Dog Bakery. No "pupcake" this year. He would have to scramble find a substitute canine-oriented confectionery.

Twenty-first century dogs don't know how good they have it. Back in the day -- most of the twentieth century -- most owners didn't celebrate their dogs' birthdays. The lucky one received a box of Liv-a-Snaps with a string of ribbon.

Now, owners -- or "parents" as many prefer to be called -- organize dog parties with carob-and-peanut-butter flavored cakes. They purchase their birthday canines faux Shearling jackets at L.L. Bean or NFL dog jerseys. Designer hemp collars or American Kennel Club (AKC) honking mallards or "green planet beaver" toys. Forget your dog's birthday and Gladys Kravitz will report you to the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) and the local humane society. Or worse, yet KING-5 news. Do you want to explain to Jessse Jones why you didn't make it to Fido N-Scratch, Dog Mania or Ideal Pets in time for The Big Day?

Life was a lot simpler in the Nixon and Clinton eras.

Who is Hideki Matsui and why is he saying those terrible things about me?

Damned Yankee. Most Valuable Player (MVP) of the 2009 World Series. Possible Seattle Mariners free agent acquisition.

He isn't saying anything about me. He doesn't know me, and I don't know him.

This is a play on the title of a Dustin Hoffman movie, Who is Harry Kellerman and Why is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067980

There is no relationship between this post and the Genesee dog park. Look at the title, i.e., "other musings".

Support your local off-leash dog park

Before you begin depleting your financial resources for the holiday season, consider using a comparatively small amount of money to support your local off-leash dog park.

The Citizens for Off Leash Areas (COLA) is a volunteer, non-profit, 501(c)(3) organization that finances the promoting, maintaining and creating of off-leash parks in Seattle. Annual membership dues pay for the "mutt mitts" that conscientious owners use to pick up their dogs' doody.

COLA is in no way associated with this blog. It wouldn't be surprising if some COLA board members wished this bodacious blog would go away. But it doesn't take possession of Phi Beta Kappa keychain -- one earned by hard work and good grades and not via an eBay purchase -- to figure out those of us who take our dogs to the off-leash areas bear responsibility in ensuring that our parks remain open and viable.

Membership dues are dirt cheap when you consider the number of times that you frequent Genesee Park in the Lovely Rainier Valley... or any of the other off-leash areas in the city proper:

• $20 for individual;
• #35 for family;
• $50 for supporter;
• $100 for business.

Consider that if you chauffeur your dog to Marymoor once a week, you'll pay $52 a year for parking fees alone. Isn't an annual COLA membership worth avoiding weekly trips to the Eastside? You can stay in the Lovely Rainier Valley because you want to... and not because the ankle bracelet will alert the authorities when you travel north of Safeco Field or east of Lake Washington.

Did we mention that COLA is a tax-deductible, 501(c)(3) organization?

COLA doesn't employ the hard-sell guilt trip like, say. public television. You don't have to sit through pledge broadcasts of an Osmond family reunion concert in Vegas, introductory yoga for IBS patients, or KCTS Cooks With Boiling Water.

Before you spend three bills outfitting your family and pets in Snuggies for the holidays 0r blowing a paycheck on Black Friday purchases, give to COLA. Do you really think you'll land one of three available $400 laptops at the box store? COLA's link is provided for your convenience.

http://www.coladog.org/home

Alumni User Profile #1: Sammy

NAME: Samuel J. Childenhall the Second of Sprightly Fields y Castile (aka Sammy)

BREED: Poodle bichon, 19 lbs of sheer ferocity

AGE: 6 or 7

RESIDENCE: Elizabeth NJ, Tacoma 2005-2008

FAVORITE PARK ACTIVITIES: Shirking away from alpha dogs and heading toward the exit - I prefer humans

FAVORITE NON-PARK ACTIVITIES: Chasing flies, tummy rubs on my Beasley, being held like a baby, riding on the NJ Turnpike, inhaling some fumes and listening to Bruce (Exit 11, BABY!). Rooting for whoever plays the Yanks.

CANINE HEROES: Any dog who can evade wearing a costume for Halloween or Christmas

FAVORITE CELEBRITY DOGS: Baby, the three-legged bichon who with his mom Jana Kohl crusade against puppy mills (and get their pics taken with high profile peeps).

HUMANS I'D MOST LIKE TO EMULATE: Henry David Thoreau

OTHER PARKS VISITED: Marymoor (awesome!), Wright Park and Point Defiance were my fave hangouts but I've gone to some lame ones in NJ, I did Dog-O-Ween at Genesee with my cuzin Murphy in 2006.

ADOPTED: Kitsap Humane Society

http://www.kitsaphumane.org

EDITOR'S NOTE: Sammy's family moved from Tacoma to New Jersey last year. While known for many things (The Boss, Atlantic City, the boardwalk, interstate highways), the Garden State is not blessed with dog parks like those in Seattle (or the lovely Rainier Valley). Perhaps Sammy's family will lead the movement to establish off-leash, dog parks in Jersey!

Don't knock the collie: Stop your whining, and buy an umbrella

Since we reported the prognostications of O'Doul the Collie, rain -- sometimes in buckets -- continues to fall upon an already-drenched Jet City. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) forecasts an El Niño winter (mild). The tufts of fur removed from O'Doul's summer coat this autumn suggests something wetter (you're soaking in it).

As of November 20, 6.7 inches of rain have fallen in the Seattle. By comparison, the average amount of precipitation for November measures 5.9 inches. Check out the daily rainfalls for: Friday, November 6 (1.21 inches); Saturday, November 7 (0.9 (inches); Monday, November 16 (0.77 inches); and Thursday, November 19 (0.7 inches).

No use complaining, you'll never change the amount of rainfall. Makes you want to sing an Oscar-winning Burt Bacharach and Hal David tune.

User Profile #2: Murphy Beagle

NAME: Murphy

BREED: Beagle

AGE: 5½

RESIDENCE: Mount Baker

FAVORITE PARK ACTIVITIES: Refereeing, sniffing, trolling, digging up buried tennis balls

FAVORITE NON-PARK ACTIVITIES: Walks, meals, naps

CANINE HEROES: Westminster "Best in Show" Champion Uno, Snoopy, Underdog

FAVORITE (PRESIDENTIAL) FIRST DOGS: LBJ's beagles Him and Her

HUMANS HE'D MOST LIKE TO EMULATE: Professional Competitive Eating Champion Joey "Jaws" Chestnut (consumed a world record 69 Nathan's Famous wieners and buns in 12 minutes), Travel Channel Man v. Food television star Adam Richman (conquered the Don Shula Challenge by devouring a 48-ounce Porterhouse steak in 20 minutes).

OTHER PARKS VISITED: Blue Dog Pond, Marymoor

ADOPTED: South Pacific County Humane Society

http://www.beachpets.com

The tribe has spoken: Wrap it up and ship it out!

The polls have closed and the readers of the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park have spoken -- and the news isn't good for those patrons who refuse to clean up after their pooping pooches.

Sixty-six percent of those surveyed said that the compliant park users should pick up the discarded feces, put it in a care package and deposit the dog waste on the offender's yard.

Sixteen percent of respondents said the offenders should be coerced into picking up the dog waste. The 16 other percent -- perhaps taking a page out of the Tony Soprano playbook -- said the offender should get out a spoon to get every drop.

Nobody endorsed the idea of turning the other cheek and giving the offender a "pass." We may not be Paramus, NJ, but we're not pushovers, either.

The Dog Denizens of the Genesee Park blog does not endorse violence or criminal mischief. But we strongly encourage park users to pick up after their dogs. The weather is getting colder and wetter, if not downright crappy.

If the offenders don't fear shunning by your fellow park users, the offenders should consider Seattle Municipal Code (SMC) 9.25.282 (offenses relating to safety and sanitation). The SMC says it is unlawful for an owner to:

(B) Fail to remove the fecal matter deposited by his/her animal on public property or private property of another before the owner leaves the immediate area where the fecal matter was deposited;

(C) Fail to have in his/her possession the equipment necessary to remove his/her animal's fecal matter when accompanied by said animal on public property or public easement.

We don't want to rat you out. Pick up.

Inherit the Wiffle ball

Wiffle balls -- or their generic, plastic cousins -- have proliferated at the Genesee off-leash area. While camouflage undoubtedly plays a factor, the plastic balls seem to outnumber the muddied green tennis balls at a four-to-one ratio. The park looks like former Seattle Pilots knuckleballer Jim Bouton threw batting practice. Or that a chocolate lab got bored after 15 minutes of shagging fungoes.

Do our dog denizens fetch these balls, which are undoubtedly more durable than their Penn- and Wilson-branded counterparts in the wet and muddy park? Are the plastic items cheap chew toys... and a gastroenterologist's nightmare? This much is certain: it's easier to rinse off a Wiffle ball coated in canine bodily waste.

Dubs: Good mascot, bad name

A loyal University of Washington alum, I never warmed up to the permanent name of the school's "live mascot": Dubs.

Dubs? Isn't that the name of Sonny Crockett's partner on Miami Vice? The substitute town drunk on the Andy Griffith Show? An unpopular former president?

Hate the name, love the mascot.

Name not withstanding, Dubs is a worthy ambassador of the self-proclaimed "university of a thousand years." The media savvy UW athletic department created an Internet site and blog for the Husky icon. A prolific poster, Dubs posts items on his "blawg" about every two or three days. For those of us with too much time for trivial thinking: Is Dubs an Apple Mac OS X Snow Leopard or Microsoft System 7 user?

Would Dubs journey to lovely Rainier Valley to visit the Genesee off-leash area? Dubs seems more like a frequenter of Full Tilt Ice Cream or Geraldine's Counter than the Silver Fork restaurant or Taqueria Los Potrillos. (Thankfully, the one year-old Malamute isn't old enough to patronize Angie's Cocktails.)

http://www.gohuskies.com/genrel/dubs-home.html

http://huskymascot.blogspot.com

Smelly dogs and the Fairness Doctrine

Some fair-minded readers may have considered patently unfair my comparisons of impacted anal glands in need of expression and canine yeast infection to Aqua Velva Musk aftershave. Point well taken.

So consider these alternatives to a wet, smelly dog:

• A dog that visited Genesee Park rolled in a pile of doody that a careless another has failed to pick up.
• Morning "doggie breath." Or generic "doggie breath."
• Hai Karate after shave or Brut cologne.

Collie scoffs at NOAA: Calling Mr. Plow...

While meteorologists at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) predict a mild El Niño winter, one weather prognosticator strongly disagrees.

Meet "O'Doul the Collie", a longtime Mount Baker resident ("O'Doul" and his owner "Tony" preferred aliases for the purposes of this post). In October 2008, Tony then marveled at the sizable tufts he was collecting as O'Doul shed his summer coat for the upcoming winter. Tony had not seen a collie -- a breed of which he has favored for years -- shed so much. Prepare for a "hard winter," Tony warned.

Naturally, I scoffed. While a well-trained dog, O'Doul didn't strike me as weather savvy. It's not like he interpreted Doppler radar reports between naps and walks.

Of course, O'Doul the collie enjoyed the last laugh. Tony recalls combing out enough collie hair to fill a large recycling bin... you know, the one used to store paper and plastic recyclables. December 2008 experienced two weeks of winter misery: record low temperatures and major snowstorms on December 18, 20, 21, and 24 with the pesky, non-follicle-related white flakes in amounts ranging from six to 24 inches. The city's impotent response -- particularly by the leadership of the much-reviled Seattle Department of Transportation (SDOT) -- guaranteed icy arterials with the consistency of Kent's ShoWare Center hockey rink... with ruts the size of Coke bottles.

Thus far, Tony has combed out enough collie hair to fill half a recycling bin. While Tony doesn't foresee snowfall matching 2008, this year's collection of collie hair disputes forecasts of the El Niño winter. Snowfall is a definite possibility.

What does this prediction mean? Outgoing Mayor McCheese and his posse of cronies had better pick up Costco volumes of salt. Even if collie is off, the salt will keep for the next big snow storm.

Stay tuned.

The rain, the park and other things, Part I

The good people of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) are predicting El Niño… which portends for periodic warming of the Pacific waters during the winter of 2009 to 2010. What does this mean for those of us who chauffeur our dogs to the Genesee off-leash area? Rain. Sloppy parks. Wet, smelly dogs. Muddy car seats.

Why aren't we deterred from the ugly prospect of wet, smelly dogs dirtying the car seats of our Volvos, Toyotas or Suburaus? (Extra points for those who labs, which can't resist rolling in puddles. And how many retrievers and labradoodles do you see riding in "clunkers"?) It goes without saying that we are certifiably crazy. What wouldn't we do for our four-legged friends and family members. But consider, also, that dog owners -- or "parents" as many of us prefer -- recognize that there are far worse odors that we fear and loathe:

• Enlarged anal glands long overdue for expression.
• Canine ear yeast infections.
• Aqua Velva Musk.

Honoring dogs that served in the military

While a grateful nation prepares to honor our service personnel on November 11, give a moment of thought to the canines who worked alongside our soldiers, sailors and air personnel. About 30,000 dogs served in the United States military during the twentieth century. Dogs have served in the military since the World War I. The old-school dogs performed sentry, guard, scouting and messenger functions.

Consider the story of World War I hero Rags. The small terrier served more than a mascot of the 1st Infantry Division. When members of the 1st Division troops were surrounded by the enemy, Rags imitated the soldiers he saw by crawling along the trenches. The terrier delivered a SOS message -- a note attached to his collar -- to the 7th Field Artillery. Rags saved the members of the trapped unit.

During World War I, Stubby the Pit Bull ferreted out a German spy and held by at bay until relief arrived. When soldiers of the 102nd Regimental Infantry recaptured Chateau Thierry in 1918, appreciative townswomen fashioned a chamois uniform for Stubby replete with ally flags, chevron stripes and a stripe to denote wounds that the pit bull sustained when a grenade exploded.

The military recruited dogs -- including household pets -- to serve in combat situations in World War II. During the Korean War, dogs patrolled warehouses to prevent pillaging and looting. In the Republic of Vietnam (RVN) , military dogs and their human handlers are credited with saving the lives of more than 10,000 troops. An estimated 325 military canines died in RVN. In the Persian Gulf, dogs patrol perimeters and detect explosive devices.

In 2003 National Geographic offered an article documenting feats of the military canine corps:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2003/04/0409_030409_militarydogs.html

Earlier this year, The Sun detailed exploits of dogs serving in Iraq with the British military:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/campaigns/our_boys/article1447714.ece

As did the Washington Post:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/28/AR2009032801045.html

Yankees still suck

There's a difference between "winners" and "champions."

Service dogs: Fill 'er up, check the tires and the fluids

The New York Times ran a story recently about therapy dogs. Once used to assist the visually impaired, contemporary service dogs anticipate seizures and anxiety minutes before onset, maintain the emotional stability of people with psychiatric disorders. The Kreskins of the canine world.

Are these service dogs intellectually gifted or intuitive to their owners' needs? One service dog reportedly possesses a 500-word vocabulary. One border collie knew 1,500 words. That's 624 more words than a syndicated wingnut.

If my dog learned a special skill to improve my life, he'd get to ride Sound Transit for free. Actually, he would have the right merely to board light rail.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/01/weekinreview/01kershaw.html?em

Lhasa versus Land Rover: Blinded me with science

Who presents the greater threat to the planet: Antonio the Lhasa Apso or the Land Rover?

In their book Time to Eat the Dog? The Real Guide to Sustainable Living, authors Robert and Brenda Vale make the argument that people who love the planet should trade in their dogs for sports utility vehicles (SUV). These authors argue that a mid-size canine leaves a greater carbon pawprint than a gas-guzzling Toyota Land Cruiser. The Vales contend that resources required to feed a dog — including the amount of land needed to feed the animals that go into its food — emit twice the eco-footprint of the manufacturing and fueling a Toyota Land Cruiser.

New Scientist magazine hired John Barrett at the Stockholm Environment Institute in York, UK, to calculate eco-pawprints based on his own data, Barnett's calculations echoed those of the Vales, The conclusion? "Owning a dog really is quite an extravagance, mainly because of the carbon footprint of meat," Barnett told New Scientist.

Seventeen per gallon versus the Kibbles 'n Bits consumer. Vote the dog off the island.

If the City of Seattle took these studies to heart, bureaucrats would pave over the off-leash areas and replace them with parking lots. Put in parking meters, and we reduce the city's financial woes by a grand or so.

But really: Which would you prefer in your neighborhood: A harrier or a Hummer? Would you prefer dealing with the bodily waste that comes from a Weinmaraner or the pollutants from the neighbor's Range Rover?

For the New Scientist editorial:

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20427311.600-how-green-is-your-pet.html

For a local perspective from the Seattle Times:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2010183212_dogcarbon02m.html

Do celebrities visit the Genesee off-leash park?

Granted, our park is located in the lovely Rainier Valley. Most of the people in town view the area south of Safeco and east of I-5 as out of the way as, say Walla Walla or Idaho.

Ten years ago, people would be scared to exit their vehicles if they inadvertently ventured into the valley. Lock the doors, roll up the windows, hit the gas, and make a beeline for I-5! Don't stop for the red light!

That was then, and this is the era of light rail. (Remember, though, that dogs can't ride Sound Transit.) Still, the Genesee park does not seem like a hub for celebrities and their dogs.

By comparison, the Regrade (Belltown) off-leash park drew the likes of the Piano Man and his pug a couple years ago. The Seattle Times reported the sighting so it must be true. It figures that the five-time Grammy winner wouldn't own a prosaic pooch like a yellow lab or a border collie.

Gotta give this much to the Piano Man: He didn't give a second thought to sitting on a plastic, dog-park chair.

Parking woes

The adage that "there's no such thing as bad publicity" gets put to the test.

The proprietor of a hauling and removal business insists on parking his large, unwieldy truck in front of the dog park. This behemoth not only displaces park frequenters -- particularly during peak usage -- but presents a hazard to those parked directly behind the truck and who pull out into traffic.

Granted, street parking is first-come, first serve. And there's nothing in the municipal ordinances that gives parking priority to park users.

But consider this: By parking your hulking truck in front of the park, are you really making friends and creating a climate for future business?

PERSON NO. 1: Wow, we cut down our cottonwood, and have to take the branches to the dump. Who shall we call?

PERSON NO. 2: I see a phone number on the truck that's parked in front of the dog park...

PERSON NO. 1: Not the truck that's always parked in front of the park! I hate that! I'll call Fred G. Sanford first.

PERSON NO. 2: Do we have that card that Lamont gave us? Do you have Aunt Esther's number?

Roll credits.