All-American dogs celebrate Presidential visit

President Barrack Obama's visit to the Jet City Tuesday generated interest from local humans and canines alike. Mount Baker resident Sally (an alias) was home when two Air Force F-15 fighter jets broke the sound barrier to intercept a rogue pilot who flew his Cessna into the no-fly zone. The sonic boom, Sally said, sounded like an explosion coming from the direction of the Darigold dairy plant. Sally's cockers Biff and Zeke (also aliases) barked when the sound barrier broke.

Later in the afternoon, Sally, Biff and Zeke went outside to watch Air Force One whisk the American-born, Christian President away. According to Sally, the two cocker spaniels stood at attention and waved American flags in their paws. "They thought the presidential pup was on board," she explained.

USA! USA!

Did heat stroke cause your lapses in judgment?

Granted, the National Weather Service (NWS) issued an "excessive heat warning" after this weekend's record-busting temperatures (95 degrees yesterday, 98 degrees today). Maybe the heat fried your brains.

Or maybe you lack common sense.

Let's begin the What What The Hell Were You Thinking Weekend with an incident that took place around 10 am Saturday in an alley between 33rd and 34th Avenues off South McClellan Street. We saw you and your spouse enter the alley with two unleashed dogs. The smaller of the two romped freely on the street; he was uncontrolled and unrestrained. When I gasped with visible shock, you condescendingly asked something stupid like "Are you terrified?"

Yes, lady, I am terrified... that your dog will run into South McClellan Street -- an arterial upon which the No. 14 travels. South McClellan Street was busier than usual yesterday with people traveling to Genesee Park to unload their bicycles for the Danskin's triathlon and shoppers cruising the during the Mount Baker community sale. And amazed that your husband tethered one dog, and permitted the more adventurous of the two roam without a leash.

People, what the hell were you thinking?

Maybe it didn't occur to you that shoppers trolling the area probably paid more attention consulting their maps then they were on the look out for a dog whose owners thought going off-leash commando represented their libertarian values. According to 9.25.084 (A), Offenses Related to Animal Control, the Seattle Municipal Code (SMC), it is unlawful to "permit any animal, except cats and pigeons, to be at large, or trespass upon the party of another."

Your dogs shouldn't have to conform to your declarations of independence against controlling your dogs. Leash your pooches.

Next, during What the Hell Were You Thinking Weekend takes notice of unknown chucklehead(s) who tethered his or her sweet-looking, mixed-breed dog to the disabled parking sign in front of the Rainier Valley Rite Aid around 10:45 am. You left your dog without water in an unshaded spot with an eastern exposure in 88-degree weather (93 degrees "real feel").

What the hell were you thinking?

Seattle Municipal Code 9.25.081(F) says it is unlawful to "tether or confine any animal or in such a place as to cause injury or pain not amounting to first degree animal cruelty defined in RCW 16.52.025, or to endanger the animal." This means you.

Heat stroke as a defense carries little weight to the law... and doesn't help a dog afflicted with illness, injury, or death because of your careless, negligence or recklessness.

The National Weather Service's "excessive heat warning" remains in effect in the Puget Sound area until 10 pm Monday, August 16.

Wak the f***? Donny, we hardly knew ye

Seafair weekend's two-game winning streak -- albeit, against the Kansas City Royals -- wasn't enough to save his job. When the Seattle Mariners' 2010 season plunged into the cesspool of the American League West division, the media rumbled with rumors of the demise of Manager Don Wakamatsu. But Mariners General Manager "Trader" Jack Zduriencik maintained that Wakamatsu remained his man.

Today, with the ball club 22½ games behind the division-leading Texas Rangers, Trader Jack delivered what should not have been a surprising message: Jetson, you're fired!

Wak the f***?

We're not disputing that Wakamatsu needed to go. His reserved, cerebral, zen style didn't befit a losing team that needed its butt kicked from the Rainier Valley to Issaquah and back. Wakamatsu couldn't motivate his players, and showed all the fire and passion of a Bic lighter during the Hanukkah Eve windstorm.

But the timing of Wakamatsu's departure is ironic to say the least. The Mariners celebrate Japanese Heritage Night during against the Oakland Athletics this evening. Major League Baseball's first Asian-American manager will be missing in action as the half-Japanese Wakamatsu will have cleaned out his office before the first pitch.

Wak the f***?

If Wakamatsu was slated to go, shouldn't the Mariners have fired him after Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday's loss?

Using the "Seattle Mariners as Genesee Park dogs" analogy, Wakamatsu would be the Mastiff -- an intelligent, reserved working breed who couldn't lead a Labrador retriever to a wading pool.

We told you that the label "Wak the f***?" had a short shelf life.

What has Seafair done for dogs lately?

Contrary to what the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) might convey, not all pooches oppose Seafair. Mount Baker residents Biff and Zeke (aliases to protect their identities) are Seafair-loving cockers, according to their owner Sally (another alias).

A longtime Rainier Valley resident, Sally says that she loves Seafair -- as do Biff and Zeke. While the cockers cannot accompany her to the pits on Friday, Biff and Zeke don't seem to mind the Blue Angels that roar above their abode or mind the "Seafair hooligans" -- fueled by $10 brews at the beer garden -- who pass through the 'hood.

One Seafair event is missing. "You would think they would have a dog night... even Pacific Fabrics has a Stitch and Bitch Night, for heaven's sake!" Sally observed.

A Seafair event for dogs doesn't sound as frivolous as one might think. The vast majority of denizens at the Genesee off-leash park are essentially locked out of their facility during Seafair weekend. Seafair traffic and no-parking zones take out guarantee that only those dogs within walking distance will use the park this weekend. What has Seafair done for the Rainier Valley's dogs lately? Who could ask for more?

Why doesn't Seafair sponsor an event -- a community giveback -- for the dogs who sacrificed use of their off-leash park this weekend? Peanut-butter-biscuit cakes, hydroplane piñatas, Pup-Peroni and Pabst Blue Ribbon. Perhaps entertainment by an Oingo Boingo tribute band... not everybody can be Danny Elfman.

We're waiting for the invitation to arrive. But given Seafair's track record, we aren't holding our collective breaths.

Good Dog, Mikey... Philadelphia Freedom shined on you

Baseball's Whippoorwill of Freedom today smiled upon Seattle Mariners first baseman Mike Sweeney.The first baseman was swapped to the pennant-contending Philadelphia Phillies. When first baseman Ryan Howard went down with an ankle injury, Philadelphia acquired Sweeney from the ruins of the Seattle organization.

In less than 100 plate appearances Sweeney batted .263, cracked two homers and drove in 18 runs. But Philadelphia was willing to take a flier on the lumbar-challenged utility infielder. Sweeney, unlike his former Safeco Field playmates, may see the postseason from a vantage point other than the 72-inch, plasma-screen television.

I know what you're thinking: Why is somebody with my proclivities touting the feats of a part-time Mariner and full-time red stater? There is no logical explanation. But get real: the day of liberal and/or progressive athletes have gone the way of AC-DC cassette tapes, MC Hammer parachute pants, and Boones Farm Strawberry Hill wine. Bill Bradley, Bill Lee and Billie Jean King are so later-half twentieth century.

Sho' nuff. But we liked Mike Sweeney the teammate who had your back and would go to the wall -- and back -- for you. He's the loyal and trusted Rottweiler of the park. Do you believe British Petroleum (BP) executives are demonstrating a united front? Or do you they think they're throwing their colleagues under the bus?

Good luck, Good Dog Mikey. Despite our philosophical and political differences, the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) will think of you kindly in October.

Kirby Beagle, Your Enthusiasm is Showing: Seafair puts the pee in party

Kirby Beagle here.

If you want a dog's perspective of Seafair, I'm your hound. I live in Mount Baker -- you may know my neighbor, O'Doul the Collie. I know a few things about this beast called "Seafair".

On one hand, Seafair is a dog's paradise. You wouldn't believe the food scraps that people leave behind. I've seen corn cobs, chips and more chicken bones in a weekend than I usually see in three or four months. My neighborhood seems to collect an unusual amount of chicken bones, although I hear from other sources that chicken bones are universal. Share the wealth, I say.

I find the decorations from Seafair inspiring. On Seafair weekend, you see those giant, inflatable beer bottles in front of the convenience stores. I would love to lift my leg on one of those babies, although my roommate -- that uptight human being -- won't let me. Funny, you don't see giant beer bottles to mark Christmas... a giant Noche Bueña. That says, "Feliz Navidad" to me more than a couple dozen fruitcakes!

Longtime residents in my 'hood recall seeing people urinate in the bushes, the alleys. Not cool. Dogs peeing in public... that's the way of the world. Membership in the canine class has its privilege. Deal with it.

I can't believe how loud those Blue Angels get. When I'm inside and I hear those jets roar, I feel like those birds will tear the roof off the house. What I don't get is how the Blue Angels get away with the deafening racket. I bark in my own hood and some spiteful red stater calls the pound... and somebody with a badge shows up on my doorstep. Do the police go the runaway to speak to the Blue Angels? I don't think so. How fair is that?

Later,

Kirby Beagle

Soy une perdedor... this year's model plays like it's 1977

Saturday's loss against the Minnesota Twins minted this year's version of the Seattle Mariners as one of the worst teams in franchise history. Sporting a 6-22 record for July 2010, the MMX Mariners now share the worst-month record with the inaugural-season MCMLXXVII ball club. In August, the 1977 club went 6-22.

What have Seattle Mariners fan done to deserve such a fate? Management realized in June that was too late to salvage this season. So they traded away ace Cliff Lee for Justin Smoak, a 23 year-old first baseman who wasn't batting his weight (220 pounds) before he was sent down to Tacoma. Maybe Smoak might emerge as the next Albert Pujols, but right now the young prospect is keeping residence in Pierce County.

Then the proverbial wheels fell off the cart when Ryan Rowland-Smith, the popular and likable Australian southpaw, surrendered 11 earned runs and 11 hits in five innings in last week's Chicago beat down. The team later placed Rowland-Smith on the 15-day disabled list because of low-back strain, which probably explained why the southpaw tanked in MMX. We love the guy's retro-style glasses and his ability to bounce back from injury last year. But his 1-10 record and 6.96 ERA more befitted the Mariners team during the Jimmy Carter Administration.

So, it's August and the organization that doled out $83 million on player salaries is 22½ games behind the Texas Rangers in the American League Worst. We don't oppose spending money to win a championship -- you gotta pay to play. This isn't 1953, thank God.

Now, some of our worldwide readers are undoubtedly wondering why a blog about dog parks devotes an undue amount of time and energy on baseball. The way we see it, there's plenty of time and opportunity to pontificate about off-leash dog parks. However, one suspects that the label (tagline) "Wak the f***" will soon become passé.

Every time you hear a bell an Angel gets his wings (cover your dog's ears)

Seeking a "second opinion," the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) solicited the comments of another Rainier Valley canine: Clarence the Retriever, AK9, of Columbia City. While Clarence (an alias) does not reside in the vicinity of the hydroplane races, the golden retriever mix lives under the flight path of the United States Navy Blue Angels -- as do many dogs in Southeast Seattle.

Clarence The Retriever, AK9, issued this statement about Seafair: "The planes are cool. The pilots are really talented. Man, they're loud... Hey, look, a CAT!!!!!!!"

According to Damager (another alias), Clarence's spokesman, the retriever mix's plans for Seafair "include lying in the basement with his paws over his ears, and having a cool drink. Maybe chewing on a cat if he can find one nearby. He will bark at the planes every time they fly over the house, near the house, in the neighborhood, and even occasionally after they've left the state of Washington and are no longer in hearing range."

When asked if Clarence will spend Seafair listening to the dulcet tones of Kenny G tunes, Damager responded: "No one is so inhumane as to subject a dog to that."