A three-day weekend generates human stupidity

Maybe it's the relatively warm Seattle weather or the three-day Memorial Day weekend. Or maybe human stupidity runs year-round.

People in town don't seem to understand that the leash law applies to them and their canines. Within a span of five minutes around 12:15 pm, we saw two instances in which people hurriedly leashed up their dogs as they walked along the path in Mount Baker Park. Seattle Municipal Code (SMC) 9.25.084(a), Offenses Related to Animal Control says that it is unlawful for an owner to "permit any animal, except cats and pigeons, "to be at large or trespass upon the property of another." SMC 9.25.020(E) defines "at large" as "a dog or other animal inside the city of Seattle, off the premises of the owner, and not under control of a leash of eight feet in length or shorter."

Did you catch the conjunction in the definition of "at large"? It's not enough to maintain your animal under your control if the dog is unleashed.

But the brunt of our disdain will be heaped upon the thoughtless and stupid owner who left two tiny dogs -- a long-haired Chihuahua mix and a miniature Doberman -- "tied" to a sign pole on South McClellan Street between 36th Avenue South and South Mount Baker Boulevard. My own leashed dog and I passed your two pooches as we went for our stroll. The flimsy leash that you used to tether both dogs broke loose, and the Chihuahua mix scampered off in the direction. Although you emerged in a couple of minutes, the time seemed like an eternity. I didn't know if your dog would venture in the path of traffic -- cars, sport utility vehicles, the #14 Metro bus -- on McClellan. You said that you were "watching" and were "in the store"... a place locals call the Mioposto Restaurant.''

Selfish, careless lady, what the hell were you thinking?

I don't care if you were dining on roasted beet salad or picking up a Fungo Straginole pizza to take home. You had no business taking your dogs along on the field trip. Situated in a restaurant, you had no control of your dogs -- and less so than the others who tether their dogs to the bike rack next to the restaurant. Don't think your indiscretion is a big deal? SMC 9.25.081(f) characterizes animal cruelty as to "tether or confine any animal in such a manner or in such a place as to cause injury or pain or not amounting to first degree animal cruelty defined in RCW (Revised Code of Washington) 16.52.205."

They're playing your song, lady.

It's 4:45 pm. Do you know where your dog is?

Of course you do... tethered to a "no parking sign" on Madison Street between Minor and Boren avenues.

Maybe you were cold and needed something to warm you up. The fleece half-zip pullover wasn't keeping you toasty enough in the 39-degree weather. So you thought nothing of stopping in at Starbucks -- one of two on the block -- for, perhaps, a Skinny Caramel Macchiato (gotta watch your boyish figure). You thought nothing of tying your black, medium-sized, mix-breed dog to a traffiic sign while you indulged in a caffeine reboot.

Never mind that you left your dog alone as rush-hour traffic whizzed by her. Never mind that your dog -- bored and tired -- had little to do besides lie on the stone-cold pavement while you sipped your beverage and called a bud on your Motorola Droid X. Doggie could wait a little longer.

You cold-hearted bastard.

Apparently, you forgot that the Seattle Municipal Code (SMC) 9.25.081(f) characterizes animal cruelty as to "tether or confine any animal in such a manner or in such a place as to cause injury or pain or not amounting to first-degree animal cruelty defined in RCW (Revised Code of Washington) 16.52.205."

Do your dog a favor and leave her at home when you stop for a late-afternoon latté

All tied up and nowhere to gorgonzola

You probably thought you personified tres chic, über urban coolness as you and your black Labrador retriever journeyed through Pioneer Square early yesterday afternoon. As you multi-tasked, you tied up your dog outside a bike rack as you stopped at a café on Yesler Way between Post and First avenues around 1:45 pm for a quick gorgonzola panini and a soy latté. You left your somber dog outside to lie on the cold pavement -- it wasn't sunny yesterday -- to wait as you indulged your hunger. Maybe you thought you performed a good deed by leaving a water dish in front of her for good measure.

Hungry diner, what the hell were you thinking?

Did you really think it's cool to leave your lab exposed to the chilliness of the elements. Or worse, the scores of pedestrians from the Underground Tour more focused with taking snapshots from their smart phones than paying attention to your maudlin looking lab on the sidewalk.

Lest you forgot, the Seattle Municipal Code (SMC) 9.25.081(f) characterizes animal cruelty as to "tether or confine any animal in such a manner or in such a place as to cause injury or pain or not amounting to first-degree animal cruelty defined in RCW (Revised Code of Washington) 16.52.205."

Your lab looked bored and lonely as she waited for you to nosh. Do her a favor: Leave her home if you plan to eat out. Or stay home, boil a pot of water and fix yourself Nissin Cup Noodles (not Cup-A-Noodles, not Cup of Noodles) or Nong Shim Bowl Noodle Soup. Or a PBJ sandwich, with natural, stirring-required peanut butter if you must.

Did heat stroke cause your lapses in judgment?

Granted, the National Weather Service (NWS) issued an "excessive heat warning" after this weekend's record-busting temperatures (95 degrees yesterday, 98 degrees today). Maybe the heat fried your brains.

Or maybe you lack common sense.

Let's begin the What What The Hell Were You Thinking Weekend with an incident that took place around 10 am Saturday in an alley between 33rd and 34th Avenues off South McClellan Street. We saw you and your spouse enter the alley with two unleashed dogs. The smaller of the two romped freely on the street; he was uncontrolled and unrestrained. When I gasped with visible shock, you condescendingly asked something stupid like "Are you terrified?"

Yes, lady, I am terrified... that your dog will run into South McClellan Street -- an arterial upon which the No. 14 travels. South McClellan Street was busier than usual yesterday with people traveling to Genesee Park to unload their bicycles for the Danskin's triathlon and shoppers cruising the during the Mount Baker community sale. And amazed that your husband tethered one dog, and permitted the more adventurous of the two roam without a leash.

People, what the hell were you thinking?

Maybe it didn't occur to you that shoppers trolling the area probably paid more attention consulting their maps then they were on the look out for a dog whose owners thought going off-leash commando represented their libertarian values. According to 9.25.084 (A), Offenses Related to Animal Control, the Seattle Municipal Code (SMC), it is unlawful to "permit any animal, except cats and pigeons, to be at large, or trespass upon the party of another."

Your dogs shouldn't have to conform to your declarations of independence against controlling your dogs. Leash your pooches.

Next, during What the Hell Were You Thinking Weekend takes notice of unknown chucklehead(s) who tethered his or her sweet-looking, mixed-breed dog to the disabled parking sign in front of the Rainier Valley Rite Aid around 10:45 am. You left your dog without water in an unshaded spot with an eastern exposure in 88-degree weather (93 degrees "real feel").

What the hell were you thinking?

Seattle Municipal Code 9.25.081(F) says it is unlawful to "tether or confine any animal or in such a place as to cause injury or pain not amounting to first degree animal cruelty defined in RCW 16.52.025, or to endanger the animal." This means you.

Heat stroke as a defense carries little weight to the law... and doesn't help a dog afflicted with illness, injury, or death because of your careless, negligence or recklessness.

The National Weather Service's "excessive heat warning" remains in effect in the Puget Sound area until 10 pm Monday, August 16.

Third of July WTHWYT marathon: fit to be tied

When the cancer temptation struck, you couldn't resist the urge to fuel the beast. So you leashed up your adorable black-and-tab cocker and headed off to the Rainier Valley Rite Aid for a pack of More filters and a Twix bar. Around 4 pm this afternoon, you tied Cookie to the post of the sign denoting disabled parking and went inside to make your purchases.

Meanwhile, your cocker was tethered with just enough slack to maneuver off the curb and into the disabled parking slot. If Cookie escaped the leash, he could've run into a lot full of cars from shoppers purchasing supplies for tomorrow's Fourth of July barbecue. Or, worse, Cookie could've roamed South McClellan Street or Rainier Avenue South.

What the hell were you thinking?

Seattle Municipal Code 9.25.081(F) says it is unlawful to "tether or confine any animal or in such a place as to cause injury or pain not amounting to first degree animal cruelty defined in RCW 16.52.025, or to endanger the animal."

Here's an alternate but equally troubling theory: Somebody could untie the leash and walk off with Cookie. And maybe you wouldn't find your precious pup advertised on Craig's List. Don't snicker: pet thieves in Rainier Valley have no compunction about taking dogs out of their own fenced yards. Do you think tying Cookie to a sign post is a deterrent? You don't really believe all those "missing" and "lost" dogs are runaways...

Leave your dog at home.