Happy Birthday... from the 'hood

Happy Birthday to our friend across the street, aka Biff and Zeke's mom... from your friends at the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP)!

As the party planner of the block, you have achieved Pamela Harriman status in our 'hood as the "hostess with the mostest." We toast your birthday with a Pomegranate wine spritzer.

And tell Biff and Zeke that they owe as a column!

Pomegranate wine spritzer

• 2 tablespoons lime juice
• 1 tablespoon Grenadine
• 2 cups Prosecco
• ¾ cup pomegranate juice

Combine lime juice, Grenadine, Prosecco and pomegranate juice in a large pitcher. Serve in large glasses filled with ice. Garnish with mint leaves or citrus slice.

Rainier Valley Dick's Drive-In would be so beautiful to local cockers

While Seattle-area humans apply full-court pressure to lobby for the new Dick's Drive-In locale, local cocker spaniels Biff and Zeke (aliases) issue a canine throw down in making the case for a restaurant in Lovely Rainier Valley.

"They would love it, frankly," said owner and long-time Seattle resident Sally (alias), "because their mama likes it."

A Rainier Valley locale would offer only one setback, the Mount Baker resident said. "They can't order on their own," she said. "They don't know how to say, 'Give me a plain burger without onions.'"

But in true Southeast Seattle fashion, Sally doubts that the Dick's chain would build open its doors in the Rainier Valley. She described hearing a story on a National Public Radio (NPR) station reporting that the Dick's organization would prefer to set up shop near the University of Washington.

The proprietors of the Seattle burger establishment suggested that they would give due consideration to an online poll that asked voters to choose from one of three locations: "North" (Shoreline, Mountlake Terrace, Lynnwood, Edmonds, South Everett), "South" (West Seattle, South Seattle, Renton, Burien, SeaTac, Tukwila) and "East" (Bellevue, Redmond, Kirkland, Bothell, Mercer Island, Issaquah, Sammamish). The brain trust at Dick's later announced that the results were "scrubbed to eliminate tens of thousands of extra votes added by a handful of talented but ethically challenged computer hackers." The number of votes for the "South" magically shrunk.

At present the online survey shows the "East" leading at 46 percent, followed by the "South" (29 percent) and "East" (24 percent).

For those who want to see Dick'w Drive-In locate in the Rainier Valley, go to:

http://www.ddir.com/

Don't you want to keep our fast-food profits in Seattle... instead of Oak Brook, IL (McDonalds' corporate headquarters), Miami (Burger King), San Diego (Jack in the Box), Irvine, CA (Taco Bell), Dublin, IL (Wendy's), or Sandy Springs, GA (Arby's)? Think local.

If we find that the survey results are suspicious and potentially invalid we can hire Al Gore's legal team from the 2000 election and challenge the election. Or not.

All-American dogs celebrate Presidential visit

President Barrack Obama's visit to the Jet City Tuesday generated interest from local humans and canines alike. Mount Baker resident Sally (an alias) was home when two Air Force F-15 fighter jets broke the sound barrier to intercept a rogue pilot who flew his Cessna into the no-fly zone. The sonic boom, Sally said, sounded like an explosion coming from the direction of the Darigold dairy plant. Sally's cockers Biff and Zeke (also aliases) barked when the sound barrier broke.

Later in the afternoon, Sally, Biff and Zeke went outside to watch Air Force One whisk the American-born, Christian President away. According to Sally, the two cocker spaniels stood at attention and waved American flags in their paws. "They thought the presidential pup was on board," she explained.

USA! USA!

What has Seafair done for dogs lately?

Contrary to what the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) might convey, not all pooches oppose Seafair. Mount Baker residents Biff and Zeke (aliases to protect their identities) are Seafair-loving cockers, according to their owner Sally (another alias).

A longtime Rainier Valley resident, Sally says that she loves Seafair -- as do Biff and Zeke. While the cockers cannot accompany her to the pits on Friday, Biff and Zeke don't seem to mind the Blue Angels that roar above their abode or mind the "Seafair hooligans" -- fueled by $10 brews at the beer garden -- who pass through the 'hood.

One Seafair event is missing. "You would think they would have a dog night... even Pacific Fabrics has a Stitch and Bitch Night, for heaven's sake!" Sally observed.

A Seafair event for dogs doesn't sound as frivolous as one might think. The vast majority of denizens at the Genesee off-leash park are essentially locked out of their facility during Seafair weekend. Seafair traffic and no-parking zones take out guarantee that only those dogs within walking distance will use the park this weekend. What has Seafair done for the Rainier Valley's dogs lately? Who could ask for more?

Why doesn't Seafair sponsor an event -- a community giveback -- for the dogs who sacrificed use of their off-leash park this weekend? Peanut-butter-biscuit cakes, hydroplane piñatas, Pup-Peroni and Pabst Blue Ribbon. Perhaps entertainment by an Oingo Boingo tribute band... not everybody can be Danny Elfman.

We're waiting for the invitation to arrive. But given Seafair's track record, we aren't holding our collective breaths.