Happy Howl-o-ween!

Happy Halloween from your friends at the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP)!

We could encourage you to exploit your dog by dressing him or her in a pumpkin costume. We should advise to keep your dog away from Halloween treats.... particularly chocolates and goodies with raisins. (Mission accomplished.)

Instead, we will pay homage to the rock 'n roll group, the Classics IV... whose 1968 Top-40 hit "Spooky" is a Halloween classic. Musicians J.R. Cobb, Walter Eaton, Dennis Yost and Joe Wilson formed the Classics IV in Jacksonville, FL in 1965. The band's repertoire consisted of Ventures songs, instrumental versions of "Misty" and "Summertime". The group's name stemmed from Yost's Classic-brand drum set. When the Classics IV began performing tunes with lyrics, Yost sang lead vocals while playing the drums standing -- and sometimes toting a beer in hand.

Relocating to Atlanta, GA in 1967, the Classics IV recorded perennial Halloween favorite "Spooky", which earned gold-record status and hit #3 on the Billboard charts. The group produced other Top-40 hits: "Stormy" (#5 in 1968), "Traces (#2 in 1969) and "Everyday With You Girl" (#19 in 1969). Fronting the group -- now billed as "Dennis Yost and the Classics IV" -- the lead singer performed with the band for three more decades. Tragically, Yost suffered a traumatic brain injury in 2006 after falling down a flight of stairs. He died two years later of respiratory failure.

While Yost is credited as the creator of the "Southern soft rock" sound, "Spooky" is hardly easy-listening music. The pop hit generated cover versions by artists as diverse as Dusty Springfield, Gary Walker and the Rain, The Velvet Monkeys, Atlanta Rhythm Section, Lydia Lunch, Daniel Ash, David Sanborn and Shock of Pleasure. Fans of HBO's Six Feet Under recognize the song from The Room, the seventh episode of the first season. Nate Fisher discovers his father bartered services from the family funeral home in exchange for a room where he smoked cannabis and listened to 1960s tunes.

"Spooky" by the Classics IV? Nate Fisher asked his father in disbelief. Imagine Nate's reaction if he discovered that his father was dropping acid while listening to "You Keep Me Hangin' On" by Vanilla Fudge. Or "Stoned Soul Picnic" by the Fifth Dimension.

Hmmm baby... the shedding has slowed

As Game 2 of the World Series concluded -- and perhaps reaching the halfway mark of the Fall Classic -- we checked in with Weather Prognosticator O'Doul the Collie.

According to O'Doul's spokesperson -- Mount Baker resident Tony -- the fabled weather collie recently experienced a reduction the quantity of shedding of his summer coat. As you may recall, the collie's weather forecasting foe, the National Oceanic Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), predicted a La Niña winter.

Tony declined to step in line with NOAA's forecast for the 2010-2010 winter. He estimated that the collie has thus far shed enough fur to fill half a 20-gallon "mini can" of garbage.

In other collie prognostications, Tony indicated that O'Doul was reluctant to pick a winner in the World Series contest between the San Francisco Giants and the Texas Rangers.

"I talked to him this afternoon he said that he is an old dog and the Giants have old players," Ton said. "(O'Doul's) sympathies are with the Giants."

So, we suspect, are those of Bay Area native Tony.

It's World Series time: What's your beef?

It's four days from Halloween so in the wacky timetable of Major League Baseball (MLB), it must be the start of the World Series.

Pitting the San Francisco Giants against the Texas Rangers, the 2010 World Series characterizes the blue-versus-red-state, liberal-versus-conservative conflict at its best. On one hand, you have the San Francisco: inner-city, Wagyu carpaccio with grilled blue corn cakes and tossed arugula, MSNBC, Bill "Spaceman" Lee, Woodstock Farms organic peanut butter, Free Tibet, Anchor Steam, Levi 501s, Former Governor Jerry Brown (and maybe future governor in January), alternative energy sources, National Public Radio, Puggle riding in a doggie car seat in a Prius. On the other hand, you have the Texas/Arlington: suburban, Taste of Texas T-bone steak with corn salsa and cole slaw, Fox News, Curt Schilling, chunky Skippy peanut butter, National Rifle Association, Lone Star beer, Wranger jeans, Former Governor George W Bush, big oil, ESPN network radio, hunting dog riding in the bed of a Chevrolet Silverado.

Somewhere in the distance lags the Seattle Mariners, who finished a dismal 29 games behind the American League (AL) West champion Rangers. If the Giants are Wagyu carpaccio and Texas are T-bone steaks, then the lowly Mariners are really no better than chipped beef on toast.

What is chipped beef? the younger set must be wondering. Chipped beef is a dried, salted, paper-thin beef slices that Hormel described as "an air-dried product that is similar to breasola but not as tasty." Old-time military types dubbed creamed chipped beef on toast as "s*** on a shingle."

As you watch the World Series and pine for next year, you might need a snack. In commemoration of the Mariners' 100-game-losing ways, consider chipped beef on toast. Unlike the Mariners' $84 million payroll with minimal results, chipped beef on toast is grotesquely economical and expandable like Stretch Armstrong by Kenner. Maybe next year Seattle will play in the World Series and personify Thundering Hooves Porterhorse steak with frites and stir-fried baby bok choy... but for now the Mariners are chipped beef, Betty Crocker Au Gratin Potatoes and carrot-and-raisin salad.

Creamed chipped beef on toast

• 6 oz. chipped beef, rinsed in cold water;
• ¼ cup butter;
• ¼ cup minced onion;
• 2 tablespoons of flour;
• 2½ cups milk;
• Salt and pepper;
• Chopped English parsley;
• Eight pieces of toast.

Shred beef into small pieces.

Melt butter in a skillet over medium heat. Sauté onion until tender.

Sprinkle flour into butter-and-onion mixture. Stir constantly until roux is smooth for two-to-three minutes.

Gradually add milk to roux until mixture is smooth for five-to-eight minutes.

Add chipped beef, salt and pepper to taste.

Serve on toast... a sour batard, a slice of Wonder Bread or Ener-G gluten-free, brown-rice loaf.

Former Mariner ace Cliff Lee kicks Yankee butt while Howie and Chuckie chase their tails

Watching former Seattle Mariners ace Cliff Lee put the New York Yankees down like rabid animals had to hurt any baseball fan in the Jet City. Lee, the stud who was suppose to take Seattle to post-season glory this season, pitched eight scoreless innings and fanned 13 Damned Yankees for the team that bestowed us with Justin Smoak and Josh Lueke.

That coulda been us, Mariners fans thought to themselves Monday evening while weeping into their micro brews. We coulda been contenders instead of 100-game losers, which we, alas, are again. Stupid reality and Mariner management mismanagement ensured us that 2010 was another 2008, 2006, 2005 and 2004. Notice that 2004, 2005, 2006, 2008 and 2010 fell under the watch of Seattle Mariners Chief Executive Officer Howard "Howie" Lincoln and President Chuck "Chuckie" Armstrong.

While Lee shut down Yankee batters, the Howie and Chuckie Show introduced its newest addition to the managerial merry-go-round by introducing former Cleveland Indians skipper Eric Wedge as replacement for Don Wakamatsu and Darren Brown.

Will the change in leadership make a difference next year? Only if Mariners owner Minoru Arakawa of Nintendo takes mercy upon long-suffering fans and pulls the plug on the wearisome Howie and Chuckie Show. That dynamic duo blew millions of Nintendo dollars... and gave us Jeff Cirillo, Rick Aurilla, Scott Spiezio, Richie Sexson, Aaron Sele, Jarrod Washburn, Pokey Reese, Carl "I Don't Believe in Dinosaurs" Everett. Kenji Jojima, José Guillen, José Vidro, Horacio Ramirez, Carlos Silva, Miguel Batista and Erik Bedard. The Mariners couldn't hang on to a fortysomething Jamie Moyer, who saw the exit sign at Safeco and bolted.

And don't fool yourself by thinking that the Mariners could have changed their fortunes if they had drafted Tim Lincecum -- and not Brandon Morrow -- in the 2006 MLB draft. Had they signed him, the Mariners would've messed with Lincecum's head and arm as they did with Morrow... and baseball's favorite Freak would be an afterthought in the organization.

The Texas Rangers could escape what Charles Barkley called "the s*** list" of athletes and teams that cannot win The Big One -- here, being an American or National League title. If the Texas Rangers play in the World Series this year, only the Mariners and Washington Nationals emerge as Major League Baseball (MLB) clubs that never competed in the Fall Classic.

At the outset of 2002 -- the first season of the Howie and Chuckie Show -- seven MLB organizations never reached the World Series. Gradually, California/Anaheim/Los Angeles (2002), Houston (2005), Colorado (2007) and Tampa Bay (2008) captured their respective league pennants. It's 2010, and the Mariners appear no closer to the goal of playing in the Fall Classic than they did eight years and tens of millions of dollars ago.

With Howie and Chuckie running the show the Mariners deserve to remain as the last World Series virgin. We'll see the Mariners playing live in November only if Howie and Chuckie hit the road.

Prepare your Chiweenie's costume and sign up for Dog-O-Ween

With Dog-O-Ween one week away, it's not too early to prepare your canine's costume and sign up for the annual holiday event hosted at the Genesee off-leash area on Saturday, October 23.

Dog-O-Ween serves as the major fundraiser for the Citizens for Off-Leash Parks (COLA), the volunteer, 501(c)(3) organization that finances the promoting, maintaining and creating of off-leash areas in the city of Seattle.

Touted as the "Seattle's premiere doggy costume contest," Dog-O-Ween allows people to go wacko in embarrassing their canines for a good cause (as did a United Kingdom resident did with his tolerant green bulldog). With major budget deficits in the City of Seattle coffers and threats of program slashing, one could reason that off-leash parks aren't high on the priority list of municipal pols. Our financial support of COLA helps keep open local off-leash parks.

In addition to the celebrity-judged costume contest, Dog-O-Ween features food, fashion, raffles, and vendor booths.

Register your dog now while vacancies remain. Last year, Dog-O-Ween organizers closed off entries at 1 pm on the day of the event.

Dog-O-Ween takes place from 11 am to 2 pm on Saturday, October 23 at the Genesee Park Off-Leash Area. If it's your first trip, welcome to the Lovely Rainier Valley.

http://www.dogoween.org

http://www.coladog.org

All tied up and nowhere to gorgonzola

You probably thought you personified tres chic, über urban coolness as you and your black Labrador retriever journeyed through Pioneer Square early yesterday afternoon. As you multi-tasked, you tied up your dog outside a bike rack as you stopped at a café on Yesler Way between Post and First avenues around 1:45 pm for a quick gorgonzola panini and a soy latté. You left your somber dog outside to lie on the cold pavement -- it wasn't sunny yesterday -- to wait as you indulged your hunger. Maybe you thought you performed a good deed by leaving a water dish in front of her for good measure.

Hungry diner, what the hell were you thinking?

Did you really think it's cool to leave your lab exposed to the chilliness of the elements. Or worse, the scores of pedestrians from the Underground Tour more focused with taking snapshots from their smart phones than paying attention to your maudlin looking lab on the sidewalk.

Lest you forgot, the Seattle Municipal Code (SMC) 9.25.081(f) characterizes animal cruelty as to "tether or confine any animal in such a manner or in such a place as to cause injury or pain or not amounting to first-degree animal cruelty defined in RCW (Revised Code of Washington) 16.52.205."

Your lab looked bored and lonely as she waited for you to nosh. Do her a favor: Leave her home if you plan to eat out. Or stay home, boil a pot of water and fix yourself Nissin Cup Noodles (not Cup-A-Noodles, not Cup of Noodles) or Nong Shim Bowl Noodle Soup. Or a PBJ sandwich, with natural, stirring-required peanut butter if you must.

Happy Thanksgiving to our friends up north!

Happy Thanksgiving to our readers of Canadian citizenship or aspirations from the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP)!

Our neighbors to the north commemorate Thanksgiving on the second Monday of October in appreciation of the harvest season. Canadian networks broadcast the Kitchener-Waterloo Oktoberfest Parade and the "Thanksgiving Day Classic", Canadian Football League (CFL)'s doubleheader. Instead of preparing one's day-after-Thanksgiving shopping lists and 5-am-sales Target plans, Canadians use the holiday to stow away summer lawn furniture and prepare for the impending harsh winter.

To toast our neighbors to the north, we offer a nationally themed cocktail, the Misty Maple Leaf. Does anybody really drink this stuff?

Misty Maple Leaf

• 2 oz. Canadian whiskey.
• ½ oz. maple syrup.
• Splash of soda.

Pour whiskey and syrup into a cocktail shaker filled with ice.

Shake well.

Strain into an old-fashioned glass filled with ice.

Add a splash of soda.

Did you know that Morley Safer, Steve Nash, Jim Carrey, Pamela Anderson, Howie Mandel, Barenaked Ladies, Diana Krall, Avril Lavinge, Nelly Furtado, David Steinberg, Debbie Brill, Amelia Alcock-White, Cowboy Junkies, Dan Aykryod, Justin Bieber, Tommy Chong, Rae Dawn Chong, Reggie Cleveland, Donald Sutherland, Kiefer Sutherland, Michael Sera, Sarah Chalke, Alex Trebek, Brendan Fraser, Justin Morneau, Ferguson Jenkins, Art LInkletter, Bing Thorn, Rick Moranis, David James Elliott, Nathan Fillon, k.d. lang, Catherine O'Hara, Sandra Bezic, See Spot Run, Sandra Oh, Emanuelle Chriqui, Jay Silverheels, Rick Fox, Michael J. Fox, Neil Young, Matthew Perry, Walter Pidgeon, Christopher Plummer, Barry Pepper, Bronko Nagurski, Jason Bay, Jason Priestley, Neve Campbell, Glenn Ford, Kim Cattrall, Bachman Turner Overdrive, Nate Burleson, Shaina Twain, Caroline Rhea, William Shatner, Paul Anka, Eugene Levy, Paul Shaffer, Rufus Wainright, Skinny Puppy, Kirk McCaskill, Eric Bedard, Martha and the Mufins, Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco Family, Maynard Ferguson, Yvonne de Carlo, Monty Hall, Harold Klunder, Raymond Burr, Jessy Veilleux, Margot Kidder, Mark Rypien, Rueben Mayes, Bernie Shaw, Leslie Nielsen, Bryan Adams, and Leonard Cohen are Canadian?

It's a lucky day... if you work for the feds or New York

Happy Columbus Day from the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP)!

Chances are that if you are employed with the United States and New York governments you are enjoying a rare day off. Federal and New York state governments close on the second Monday of October commemorate Christopher Columbus' arrival in the Bahamas on October 21, 1492. Workers in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands commemorate "Puerto Rican-Virgin Islands Friendship Day." The state of Hawaii does not recognize Columbus Day, and instead honors the Polynesian discoverers of the islands with Discoverer's Day... by keeping state offices open.

We could reprise information that you have heard since grade school about the Italian explorer -- 1492, Niña, Pinta, and Santa Maria -- but we decided to instead highlight the works of movie director Chris Columbus. The Ohio native graduated from the New York University's film school at the Tisch School of Arts. Columbus worked for Stephen Spielberg's Amblin Productions as a screenwriter for Gremlins, Goonies and Young Sherlock Holmes. Columbus enjoyed breakout success with the Home Alone series, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Stepmom in the 1990s. In the 2000s, Columbus directed the first two Harry Potter movies and Rent before turning his energies to producing (Night at the Museum and its sequel, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer). Columbus branded his production company 1492 Pictures for obvious reasons.

Too much hype for a director of "popcorn movies"? Maybe, it takes a rare movie -- here, Home Alone -- to drive George Costanza of Seinfeld to tears.

For those with the day off who want to toast one or both Columbuses, consider the Americano -- known to others as the Godfather.

Americano, aka the Godfather

• 2 oz. bourbon whiskey.
• 2 oz. Amaretto almond liqueur.

Pour whiskey and liqueur into an old-fashioned glass filled halfway with ice cubes. Allow a brief respite so the ice cubes can melt.

Stir and serve.

O'Doul, NOAA forecast a rough winter

Want to scare the sweatpants off a local resident? Tell the Seattleite that weather forecasters are predicting a La Niña winter.

Want to confound readers of the Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP)? Tell them that Weather Prognosticator O'Doul the Collie and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration are in agreement: This coming winter will be harsh and cold.

Wak the f***? NOAA and O'Doul reaching a meeting of the minds? Isn't this unification like the Damned Yankees and Boston Red Sox joining forces to defeat, say, the Taiwanese Little Leaguers? Batgirl and Catwoman putting aside their differences to trump Poison Ivy? Godzilla (ゴジラ), Mothra (モスラ) and Rodan (ラドン) uniting to crush King Ghidorah (キングギドラ), the three-headed monster? Not quite.

NOAA has predicted a La Niña winter, the weather phenomenon marked by the cooling of Pacific Ocean waters, Idaho-sized mountain snowpacks and precipitation. The DDGP checked in with O'Doul this week. O'Doul's spokesman, Mount Baker resident Tony, upon cue removed a tuft of dog hair from the collie's coat. "It's going to be rough winter," Tony said, "more than rain and cold weather."

O'Doul, Tony said, shed heavily two years ago, which served as a harbinger of the historic snowfall in December 2008.

Has O'Doul ever been wrong? "Never," Tony replied. "Not him or his two (collie) predecessors."

If the collie and NOAA are correct, you'd better begin preparing for a long, cold, lonely winter with a weather-appropriate cocktail... like hot buttered rum. You can purchase a plastic container of buttered rum mixture -- like you might grocery-store guacamole or salsa. Or you can take the extra five minutes to make your own concoction.

Hot Buttered Rum

• ¼ tablespoon of softened butter;
• 1 teaspoon of brown sugar;
• Vanilla extract;
• 2 oz. dark rum;
• Hot water;
• Spices -- ground nutmeg, cinnamon and allspice with proportions to your personal preference.

Put butter, brown sugar and spices in an Irish coffee glass or mug.

Muddle (grind) ingredients in coffee glass/mug.

Add hot water and rum.

Stir beverage with cinnamon stick.

Curse the collie and NOAA.

Seattle team triumphs in October... clearly the Mariners are not involved

Congratulations to the Seattle Sounders FC, winners of the US Open Cup!

The Sounders defended their Lamar Hunt US Opem Cup championship before 31,311 fans -- that's10,000 more people who attended the Seattle Mariners's prize-laden Fan Appreciation Night gala.

Interestingly, the Sounders' US Open championship occurred on the same day that Seattle Mariners Chief Executive Officer Howard Lincoln and General Manager "Trader" Jack Zhudriencik issued letters of apology for the Major League Baseball team's sorry 101-loss season. Apparently, President Chuck Armstrong, Lincoln and Zhudriencik don't grasp what the Sounders and Seattle Storm brain trusts understand: Fans follow winners. Lincoln and Armstrong ran the Mariners for the better part of a decade, spent millions upon millions of dollars in player salaries, and haven't witnessed a post-season appearance since 2001.

Don't get us wrong: We don't fault the team for signing players to million-dollar contracts. But we have lost patience with Lincoln and Armstrong's lack of leadership and inability to grasp what it takes to create a championship-caliber team.

Somebody, please, pull the plug on the "Howie and Chuckie Show"... before it's too late.

Seattle Mariners: You're gonna lose your fans (yes, yes, you're gonna lose your fans... if they haven't already abandoned ship)

How pathetic was the 2010 Seattle Mariners 62-100 season?

Dismal enough that less than 20K people showed up for the Fan Appreciation game Friday night. After Thursday's double whammy -- the team's decision to keep ace Felix Hernandez out for the rest of the season followed by a sorry 8-1 defeat -- Seattle baseball fans couldn't be persuaded to attend a game with random drawings for autographed memorabilia, Opening Day 2011 passes, plane tickets, gas cards, "and much, much more."

Back in the day, losing Mariners teams could draw 40,000 people who were willing to sit through a miserable ballgame for the chance to go home with a Rich Amaral jersey or a $50 Bon Marché card. But 2010 fans couldn't be lured with the prospect of winning an Ichiro bat or a 42-inch, flat-screen television.

Can you blame the disheartened? We embraced the Major League Baseball (MLB) season this spring with foolish optimism. A few cockeyed optimists envisioned the home team winning the American League (AL) West pennant. Aside from the standout performances of pitcher Felix Hernandez (232 strikeouts, 2.27 ERA, 1.057) and right fielder Ichiro Suzuki (214 hits, .315 average, 41 stolen bases), the ball club played more like Major Barbara than Major League. General Manager "Trader" Jack Zduriencik committed a public relations gaffe -- unnoticed by the mainstream media -- when he fired former manager Don Wakamatsu, the first Asian-American to skipper a MLB club, prior to Japanese Heritage Night.

Now that the blame game begins, we point our fingers at any number of suspects: Zduriencik, who couldn't make one correct personnel move this season; Wakamatsu and his cerebral soft-sell style (42-70); not-ready-for-primetime replacement manager Darren Brown (19-32); (future Hall of Famer (HOFer) Ken Griffey Jr. (.184, 9 RBIs in 98 at-bats); likable but losing-prone Ryan Rowland-Smith (1-10, 6.75 ERA in 19 starts); misunderstood misanthrope Milton Bradley (.205, 8 home runs, 8 stolen bases); weak-hitting first baseman Casey Kotchman (.217, 9 HRs, 51 RBIs); and a catching platoon of Rob Johnson and Adam Moore that batted below .200.

The Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) holds the higher powers of the team accountable. Chief Executive Officer Howard Lincoln and President Chuck Armstrong have enjoyed hands-off ownership and bottomless Nintendo dollars to forge a championship team for the better part of a decade. Their corporate style reportedly drove away Lou Pinella -- and gave us Bob Melvin, Mike Hargrove, John McLarren, Jim Riggleman, Wakamatsu and Brown in roughly the shelf life of CSI Miami or The Dr. Phil Show. This dynamic duo spent $84 million on a team that lost 100 games this year. Retaining Lincoln and Armstrong goes against all logic and principles of corporate accountability and responsibility... yet, this duo keep their jobs. Go figure.

This year's team would drive almost anyone to drink. However, the magnitude of this year's failure warrants more than a vodka-nuanced cocktail. Here, hard liquor is in order -- straight out of the bottle, in a glass only if absolutely necessary. As drinking on an empty stomach is a recipe for disaster, hors d'oeuvres are in order. Something salty, savoury and sweet...like rumaki. Although the etiology of this appetizer is unknown, old-school foodies credit Victor Bergeron -- founder of the Polynesian-inspired Trader Vic's restaurants -- for creating rumaki, an hors d'oeuvre of chicken liver and water chestnut wrapped around a strip of bacon. Organ meats aren't for everybody. But for masochists who endured the 2010 season, chicken liver and bacon seems preferable to another Mariners whiffing contest involving Michael Saunders, Ryan Langerhans, and Josh Bard.

For the moment: Trader Vic, good. Trader Jack, not so much.

Rumaki

• 12 slices of bacon cut in half lengthwise
• 12 ounces of halved chicken livers
• 12 whole water chestnuts cut in half

Marinade

• ¼ cup of soy sauce
• 1 teaspoon minced ginger
• 2 tablespoons dry sherry
• 1 teaspoon sugar

Make marinade by combining the soy sauce, minced ginger, dry sherry and sugar. Add chicken livers and water chestnuts to the mixture. Marinate for half an hour.

Wrap half a bacon slice around pieces of chicken liver and water chestnut. Secure with toothpick.

If you are drawn to broiling your appetizers, place the rumaki on a shallow baking or broiling pan about five-to-six inches from the heat source. Broil for 10-to-15 minutes until the bacon is crisp.

If you prefer easy baking, put rumaki in 375-degree oven for 20-to-25 minutes.

Epilogue: If the so-called Mariner brain trust continues to field losing teams, they'd better up the ante for Fan Appreciation Night. How much do you really value your shrinking base of fans? The small-money, 57-105 Pittsburgh Pirates gave away a flat-screen television and a Blu-Ray player (as opposed to cash-rich Mariners, which meted out the TV and Blu-Ray player separately). The 69-93 Washington Nationals rewarded their long-suffering base with a "fan appreciation month" of giveaways spread out over the final 16 games. The Milwaukee Brewers, who sported a 77-85 record this year, bestowed a Brewers-themed, custom-painted, 2010 Harley-Davidson Fat Boy Lo on one lucky fan. Better yet, Mariners management, take a page from the Oprah book: "You get an eZee bike, you get an eZee bike, and you get an eZee bike..."