New Mariners season, same tepid bats

The start of the 2011 Major League Baseball (MLB) doesn't look different from the conclusion of last year's campaign for the feckless Seattle Mariners. Thus far -after last night's embarrassing 12-3 home opener against the Cleveland Indians - the Mariners are tied for last place in the American League (AL) West race with a 2-5 record.

This time last year Mariners expected a lot after Mariners general manager "Trader Jack" Zdruiencik signed Chone Figgins and traded for Cy Young winner Cliff Lee and problematic Milton Bradley. We entered this season with a patchwork team made up of little-known-and-forgotten players (Jack Cust, Miguel Olivo, Adam Kennedy and Josh Bard). Few hold hopes that the Mariners will climb out of the AL West cellar. Is it surprising given that Seattle Mariners Owner Hiroshi Yamauchi hasn't demanded the termination of Chief Executive Officer Howard Lincoln and President Chuck Armstrong? The "Howie and Chuckie Story" continues unfettered despite minimal success and one of the more generous payrolls in MLB.

Regardless of whom you blame - there are so many guilty parties - the Mariners leadership is little more than a, tail-tugged-between-the-legs, hang-dog operation. There's little to celebrate until Big Changes to this chopped-ham-spread organization. What is deviled ham... a combination of ground ham and spices. Perfect for this team.

Deviled ham spread

• 4½ oz. deviled ham
• 1 tbsp. onion
• 1/3 c. mayonnaise
• 1/3 c. mustard
• 1 tsp. lemon juice
• ½ salt
• ½ tsp. Worcestershire sauce
• ½ c. finely diced celery
• 6 hard-cooked eggs

Mince the onion and chopped the eggs.

Mix mayonnaise, Worcestershire sauce, mustard and onion into a large bowl.

Stir in salt and lemon juice.

Add celery, eggs, and ham, Blend thoroughly.

All hail King Felix!

Felicitaciones a Félix Hernández, el 2010 de la Liga Americana ganador del Cy Young!

Kudos to the Baseball Writers Association of America (BBWAA) today for getting it right by honoring Seattle Mariners ace Felix Hernandez with the Cy Young award as the top pitcher in the American League (AL). At the end of the regular season, we harbored our doubts that the BBWAA would recognize King Felix's 30 quality starts (at least six innings pitched in a game that yields no more than three earned runs) over New York Yankee C.C. Sabathia's 21-7 record. In the end, King Felix (167 votes) outpolled Tampa Bay Ray David Price (111) and the Damned Yankee (102).

Broadcaster Joe Morgan characterized Hernandez as undeserving for compiling a 13-12 record. King Felix led the league in innings pitched (249.67), quality starts and complete games (six). Hernandez (2.27, 323, six, 1.057) bested Price (2.72, 188, two, 1.193) and Sabathia (3.18, 197, two, 1.191) in earned run average, strikeouts, complete games and WHIP.

Some derided Hernandez for supposedly not pitching in pressure situations. Seattle fans would contend that a pitcher doesn't know real pressure until he recognizes that his battery won't "get back" any run he surrenders. Roy Halliday, this year's National League (NL)) Cy Young winner, denigrated his AL counterpart's victory: "I think, ultimately, you look at how guys are able to win games. Sometimes the run support isn't there, but you sometimes just find ways to win games."

Spoken like a pitcher with a Philadelphia battery that included Ryan Howard, Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, Jayson Werth and Raul Ibañez behind him -- as opposed to Felix and the supporting cast of Eight Men Making Outs. (Actually, more than eight when you tally the list: Chone Figgins, Josh Wilson, Adam Moore, Milton Bradley, Ken Griffey Jr., Rob Johnson, Franklin Gutierrez, Ryan Langerhans, Michael Saunders, Russell Branyan, Matt Tuiasosopo. You can't argue against the idea that Hernandez would have copped 20-plus wins if he enjoyed the New York Yankees' run support.

On a side note, it will be interesting to see how Chuckie and Howie attempt to address the Mariners' woeful offensive output this year. With Chuckie and Howie in charge, maybe one of these unneeded free-agent pickups:

• Chicago White Sox First baseman/outfielder Mark Kotsay (.239, 8 HR, 39 RBI, .306 OBP, .376 SLG) reminiscent of bygone first baseman Casey Kotchman;
• Minnesota Infielder Nick Punto (.238, 1 HR, 20 RBI, .313 OBP, .302 SLG) whose batting stats would make him feel right at home with the other light-hitting Seattle infielders;
• Los Angeles Dodger right fielder Reed Johnson (.262, 2 HR, 15 RBI, .291 OBP, .366 SLG), a light hitter with Chonne Figgins (.259, 2 HR, 35 RBI, 42 SB, .340 OBP, .303 SLG) and Franklin Guiterrez (.245, 12 HR, 64 RBI, .303 OBP, .393 SLG);
• Seattle Mariner/Philadelphia Phillie Mike Sweeney (.231, 2 HR, 8 RBI, .310 OBP, .385 SLG). Welcome back, Kotter!

If King Felix were a Genesee Park dog, he'd probably be a bulldog: tough and tenacious, the irresistible and immovable force on the mound.

Congrats, Felix. Look for a place in your home to display your new piece of bric-a-brac. Funny how a butt-ugly -- but highly coveted -- trophy can evoke heated discussion.

San Francisco takes a Giant step... and Seattle remains stuck in first gear

Congratulations to the San Francisco Giants: the Wagyu carpaccio of this year's post-season competition... and the 2010 World Champions.

At first blush, the Giants and Seattle Mariners appear dissimilar in style. Compiling a 88-74 record in 2009, the Giants finished a disappointing three games from a wild-card berth and seven games out of the division title. Finishing 12 games out of the division title in 2009, the Mariners appeared absolutely giddy with a 85-77 record. The Mariners pulled off a high-profile, three-way trade with Philadelphia and Toronto to land Lee, the 2008 Cy Young winner. The Giants formed a roster of self-described "misfits" and "castaways".

Like the stay-at-home-in-October Mariners, the Giants lacked a bona-fide slugger, a la Albert Pujols, Joey Votto or Josh Hamilton. Unlike the Mariners, the Giants battery came through in the clutch and stripped Texas Rangers ace Cliff Lee -- the guy whose acquisition was suppose to secure Seattle's way to the postseason -- of the "S' on his chest and red cape... and rendered him vulnerable and hittable in a Jason Vargas fashion. The players of the ball club on the Bay earned World Series bling -- and the guys on the team on the Sound watched the Series on their plasma televisions in the comfort of their respective media rooms.

Imagine what the Giants could have done with Ichiro Suzuki and Felix Hernandez on the payroll.

Imagine what the Mariners might have achieved with Lee and Tim Lincecum -- the University of Washington pitching star spurned for Brandon Morrow in the 2006 Major League Baseball (MLB) draft -- on the roster.

While the Giants have earned Dom Perignon to accompany the Wagyu carpaccio they emulate, the Mariners deserve the "two buck Chuck" to polish off the chipped beef on toast that they resembled this year. The cynical amongst us suspect our home team's prospects won't change until the Mariner ownership deep sixes Chief Executive Officer Howard Lincoln and President Chuck Armstrong.

Former Mariner ace Cliff Lee kicks Yankee butt while Howie and Chuckie chase their tails

Watching former Seattle Mariners ace Cliff Lee put the New York Yankees down like rabid animals had to hurt any baseball fan in the Jet City. Lee, the stud who was suppose to take Seattle to post-season glory this season, pitched eight scoreless innings and fanned 13 Damned Yankees for the team that bestowed us with Justin Smoak and Josh Lueke.

That coulda been us, Mariners fans thought to themselves Monday evening while weeping into their micro brews. We coulda been contenders instead of 100-game losers, which we, alas, are again. Stupid reality and Mariner management mismanagement ensured us that 2010 was another 2008, 2006, 2005 and 2004. Notice that 2004, 2005, 2006, 2008 and 2010 fell under the watch of Seattle Mariners Chief Executive Officer Howard "Howie" Lincoln and President Chuck "Chuckie" Armstrong.

While Lee shut down Yankee batters, the Howie and Chuckie Show introduced its newest addition to the managerial merry-go-round by introducing former Cleveland Indians skipper Eric Wedge as replacement for Don Wakamatsu and Darren Brown.

Will the change in leadership make a difference next year? Only if Mariners owner Minoru Arakawa of Nintendo takes mercy upon long-suffering fans and pulls the plug on the wearisome Howie and Chuckie Show. That dynamic duo blew millions of Nintendo dollars... and gave us Jeff Cirillo, Rick Aurilla, Scott Spiezio, Richie Sexson, Aaron Sele, Jarrod Washburn, Pokey Reese, Carl "I Don't Believe in Dinosaurs" Everett. Kenji Jojima, José Guillen, José Vidro, Horacio Ramirez, Carlos Silva, Miguel Batista and Erik Bedard. The Mariners couldn't hang on to a fortysomething Jamie Moyer, who saw the exit sign at Safeco and bolted.

And don't fool yourself by thinking that the Mariners could have changed their fortunes if they had drafted Tim Lincecum -- and not Brandon Morrow -- in the 2006 MLB draft. Had they signed him, the Mariners would've messed with Lincecum's head and arm as they did with Morrow... and baseball's favorite Freak would be an afterthought in the organization.

The Texas Rangers could escape what Charles Barkley called "the s*** list" of athletes and teams that cannot win The Big One -- here, being an American or National League title. If the Texas Rangers play in the World Series this year, only the Mariners and Washington Nationals emerge as Major League Baseball (MLB) clubs that never competed in the Fall Classic.

At the outset of 2002 -- the first season of the Howie and Chuckie Show -- seven MLB organizations never reached the World Series. Gradually, California/Anaheim/Los Angeles (2002), Houston (2005), Colorado (2007) and Tampa Bay (2008) captured their respective league pennants. It's 2010, and the Mariners appear no closer to the goal of playing in the Fall Classic than they did eight years and tens of millions of dollars ago.

With Howie and Chuckie running the show the Mariners deserve to remain as the last World Series virgin. We'll see the Mariners playing live in November only if Howie and Chuckie hit the road.

Seattle team triumphs in October... clearly the Mariners are not involved

Congratulations to the Seattle Sounders FC, winners of the US Open Cup!

The Sounders defended their Lamar Hunt US Opem Cup championship before 31,311 fans -- that's10,000 more people who attended the Seattle Mariners's prize-laden Fan Appreciation Night gala.

Interestingly, the Sounders' US Open championship occurred on the same day that Seattle Mariners Chief Executive Officer Howard Lincoln and General Manager "Trader" Jack Zhudriencik issued letters of apology for the Major League Baseball team's sorry 101-loss season. Apparently, President Chuck Armstrong, Lincoln and Zhudriencik don't grasp what the Sounders and Seattle Storm brain trusts understand: Fans follow winners. Lincoln and Armstrong ran the Mariners for the better part of a decade, spent millions upon millions of dollars in player salaries, and haven't witnessed a post-season appearance since 2001.

Don't get us wrong: We don't fault the team for signing players to million-dollar contracts. But we have lost patience with Lincoln and Armstrong's lack of leadership and inability to grasp what it takes to create a championship-caliber team.

Somebody, please, pull the plug on the "Howie and Chuckie Show"... before it's too late.

Seattle Mariners: You're gonna lose your fans (yes, yes, you're gonna lose your fans... if they haven't already abandoned ship)

How pathetic was the 2010 Seattle Mariners 62-100 season?

Dismal enough that less than 20K people showed up for the Fan Appreciation game Friday night. After Thursday's double whammy -- the team's decision to keep ace Felix Hernandez out for the rest of the season followed by a sorry 8-1 defeat -- Seattle baseball fans couldn't be persuaded to attend a game with random drawings for autographed memorabilia, Opening Day 2011 passes, plane tickets, gas cards, "and much, much more."

Back in the day, losing Mariners teams could draw 40,000 people who were willing to sit through a miserable ballgame for the chance to go home with a Rich Amaral jersey or a $50 Bon Marché card. But 2010 fans couldn't be lured with the prospect of winning an Ichiro bat or a 42-inch, flat-screen television.

Can you blame the disheartened? We embraced the Major League Baseball (MLB) season this spring with foolish optimism. A few cockeyed optimists envisioned the home team winning the American League (AL) West pennant. Aside from the standout performances of pitcher Felix Hernandez (232 strikeouts, 2.27 ERA, 1.057) and right fielder Ichiro Suzuki (214 hits, .315 average, 41 stolen bases), the ball club played more like Major Barbara than Major League. General Manager "Trader" Jack Zduriencik committed a public relations gaffe -- unnoticed by the mainstream media -- when he fired former manager Don Wakamatsu, the first Asian-American to skipper a MLB club, prior to Japanese Heritage Night.

Now that the blame game begins, we point our fingers at any number of suspects: Zduriencik, who couldn't make one correct personnel move this season; Wakamatsu and his cerebral soft-sell style (42-70); not-ready-for-primetime replacement manager Darren Brown (19-32); (future Hall of Famer (HOFer) Ken Griffey Jr. (.184, 9 RBIs in 98 at-bats); likable but losing-prone Ryan Rowland-Smith (1-10, 6.75 ERA in 19 starts); misunderstood misanthrope Milton Bradley (.205, 8 home runs, 8 stolen bases); weak-hitting first baseman Casey Kotchman (.217, 9 HRs, 51 RBIs); and a catching platoon of Rob Johnson and Adam Moore that batted below .200.

The Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) holds the higher powers of the team accountable. Chief Executive Officer Howard Lincoln and President Chuck Armstrong have enjoyed hands-off ownership and bottomless Nintendo dollars to forge a championship team for the better part of a decade. Their corporate style reportedly drove away Lou Pinella -- and gave us Bob Melvin, Mike Hargrove, John McLarren, Jim Riggleman, Wakamatsu and Brown in roughly the shelf life of CSI Miami or The Dr. Phil Show. This dynamic duo spent $84 million on a team that lost 100 games this year. Retaining Lincoln and Armstrong goes against all logic and principles of corporate accountability and responsibility... yet, this duo keep their jobs. Go figure.

This year's team would drive almost anyone to drink. However, the magnitude of this year's failure warrants more than a vodka-nuanced cocktail. Here, hard liquor is in order -- straight out of the bottle, in a glass only if absolutely necessary. As drinking on an empty stomach is a recipe for disaster, hors d'oeuvres are in order. Something salty, savoury and sweet...like rumaki. Although the etiology of this appetizer is unknown, old-school foodies credit Victor Bergeron -- founder of the Polynesian-inspired Trader Vic's restaurants -- for creating rumaki, an hors d'oeuvre of chicken liver and water chestnut wrapped around a strip of bacon. Organ meats aren't for everybody. But for masochists who endured the 2010 season, chicken liver and bacon seems preferable to another Mariners whiffing contest involving Michael Saunders, Ryan Langerhans, and Josh Bard.

For the moment: Trader Vic, good. Trader Jack, not so much.

Rumaki

• 12 slices of bacon cut in half lengthwise
• 12 ounces of halved chicken livers
• 12 whole water chestnuts cut in half

Marinade

• ¼ cup of soy sauce
• 1 teaspoon minced ginger
• 2 tablespoons dry sherry
• 1 teaspoon sugar

Make marinade by combining the soy sauce, minced ginger, dry sherry and sugar. Add chicken livers and water chestnuts to the mixture. Marinate for half an hour.

Wrap half a bacon slice around pieces of chicken liver and water chestnut. Secure with toothpick.

If you are drawn to broiling your appetizers, place the rumaki on a shallow baking or broiling pan about five-to-six inches from the heat source. Broil for 10-to-15 minutes until the bacon is crisp.

If you prefer easy baking, put rumaki in 375-degree oven for 20-to-25 minutes.

Epilogue: If the so-called Mariner brain trust continues to field losing teams, they'd better up the ante for Fan Appreciation Night. How much do you really value your shrinking base of fans? The small-money, 57-105 Pittsburgh Pirates gave away a flat-screen television and a Blu-Ray player (as opposed to cash-rich Mariners, which meted out the TV and Blu-Ray player separately). The 69-93 Washington Nationals rewarded their long-suffering base with a "fan appreciation month" of giveaways spread out over the final 16 games. The Milwaukee Brewers, who sported a 77-85 record this year, bestowed a Brewers-themed, custom-painted, 2010 Harley-Davidson Fat Boy Lo on one lucky fan. Better yet, Mariners management, take a page from the Oprah book: "You get an eZee bike, you get an eZee bike, and you get an eZee bike..."