Fairness Doctrine and gender equality

The Dog Denizens of Genesee Park (DDGP) doesn't limit the reaches of the Fairness Doctrine to requiring that broadcast licensees provide "equal time" for political screed. Having taken shots at inexpensive -- and at least one obsolete -- men's colognes and aftershaves, it seems only fair that the DDGP draws comparison to smelly dogs and women's inexpensive perfumes and fragrances.

This week's dry spell notwithstanding, our northwest winter has seen enough raindrops to make a karaoke singer belt out a Burt Bacharach/Hal David ditty. (Don't say that O'Doul the Collie didn't warn you.) The dogs frequenting Genesee Park emerge from an hour's of play muddy and malodorous. Yet, we aren't deterred from coming back next day, next week because we dog owners recognize worse smells:

• Your dog's breath after he attacked the cat's litter box.
• Alpo breach.
• Prince Matchabelli's Wind Song. Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds. Charlie (kinda free, kinda wow) by Revlon.

Smelly dogs and the Fairness Doctrine

Some fair-minded readers may have considered patently unfair my comparisons of impacted anal glands in need of expression and canine yeast infection to Aqua Velva Musk aftershave. Point well taken.

So consider these alternatives to a wet, smelly dog:

• A dog that visited Genesee Park rolled in a pile of doody that a careless another has failed to pick up.
• Morning "doggie breath." Or generic "doggie breath."
• Hai Karate after shave or Brut cologne.

The rain, the park and other things, Part I

The good people of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) are predicting El Niño… which portends for periodic warming of the Pacific waters during the winter of 2009 to 2010. What does this mean for those of us who chauffeur our dogs to the Genesee off-leash area? Rain. Sloppy parks. Wet, smelly dogs. Muddy car seats.

Why aren't we deterred from the ugly prospect of wet, smelly dogs dirtying the car seats of our Volvos, Toyotas or Suburaus? (Extra points for those who labs, which can't resist rolling in puddles. And how many retrievers and labradoodles do you see riding in "clunkers"?) It goes without saying that we are certifiably crazy. What wouldn't we do for our four-legged friends and family members. But consider, also, that dog owners -- or "parents" as many of us prefer -- recognize that there are far worse odors that we fear and loathe:

• Enlarged anal glands long overdue for expression.
• Canine ear yeast infections.
• Aqua Velva Musk.